i've been trying to knock my head, but it's like i've got a broken neck

i have the biggest tonsils in the world. seriously. they're like ugly red golf balls in my throat. every doctor who's ever looked in my mouth has gone with some variation of, "oh my goodness!" this anatomical disgustingness didn't even dawn on me until several years ago when i saw someone else's politely hidden tonsils. if it were a personality contest, my tonsils would win the crown for their gaudy extroversion. so when these suckers start to swell, it hurts. if i sound like i'm gargling with cotton when i speak, it's because i'm being strangled from the inside. i spent all weekend having tea with my ailing throat and its buddies: Body Ache and Pounding Headache.
i seem to be better now, though i'm oddly twitchy at night, and i haven't been sleeping very well. however, i have a big weekend to osaka planned, and nothing will keep me down! my new friend danielle (who is actually my age, bonus!) and i will be staying in a capsule hotel, so i'll make a full report. i'm so excited to finally check that off my list! planning this trip necessitated my First Entirely Japanese Phone Call, and i'm proud i emerged unscathed. not so last week when steph called me from the waxing salon hoping i could converse with the bikini waxing lady about something mysterious. i really wish i knew what she said, 'cause that's bound to have been an interesting conversation!

nerd army

kara and i did some of the most satisfying purikura ever the other day. unlike the usual dazed looks we sport after emerging from a booth that shouts at you in japanese and flashes your picture at unexpected times, we both walked away going, "yeah! that was good." here's my favorite of the day.


i also decided it was high time for me to nerd up in the nerd army and become one of the thousands of other foreigners in japan who read manga. manga are graphic novels, in japanese, and they're ridiculously popular among high school students. i decided i would benefit in several ways. i'll be able to relate to my students better (that's a huge motivation, 'cause that's one of the best perks of my job), and it will improve my conversational japanese ('cause they write it how people talk, not how reference books talk). the illustrations are pretty incredible too. i dived in last night, armed with my pencil and kanji dictionary and made it deep into the third page. woo-HOO, i'm cruising now! yeah, i'm slow, but hey, it's laborious looking up 75% of the words on every page. imagine reading a book like that. but i'm stalwart when it involves art and language. here is the title page and an excerpt from my first ever manga: Ouran High Host Club.

it melts in your house not in your hand

the rest of the world is enjoying something called autumn, but the heat's heart has yet to break. i foolishly believed today's grey^[1] skies would bring something other than endless itchy trickles of sweat, but it was rainy and 88 degrees. go figure. in fact, the huge bottle of honey that crystallized months ago has melted completely back into liquid, and all the chocolate reclining around the house has to be licked from the wrappers. not that i mind.
this morning i was disturbed by a very obvious white patch of skin above my left eyebrow that wasn't there yesterday. i mean, whiter than the rest of my western european-ancestored face. skin cancer? not likely. i mean, hell, i haven't seen the likes of some good ol' fashioned vitamin D since i was in high school. and that was (ahem) ten years ago, or so i've been told. i then realized that, no, i didn't have that monster-making pigmentation diease with which michael jackson was supposedly stricken, i was simply peeling from a surprisingly fierce sunburn. this is a memento from two full days under sun on grass, and in spite of copious sunscreen applications.
our two day trip to awaji island (first time off honshu) had all the makings of an epic. we got up^[2] at the ungodly hour of 2:30 am and drove a twisty turny^[3] road through the mountains of nara. we had breakfast, already ragged, at a rest stop with a ferris wheel and a view of the awaji bridge. and then they played soccer all day, suckers, and i watched and screamed and shook my homemade pom-poms.
that night i walked to a party much too far away for my amateur high heel gait. the sultry air was just perfect for my strapless dress, though, and i got a whispered compliment about my hair that was quite unexpected. it was a little too three bears for me, though. this bar is too quiet, this one too loud. this one has too few people, this one too many. this one has no dancing, and in this one, the DJ sucks. i had a good time, but i didn't stay out late, and rather than break my face or my feet, i slipped off my shoes and walked back to the hotel with jill.
the ride home the next night was even worse than the drive up. after two full days of cheering in the elements, we piled into a car bound for a three-hour traffic jam. after we emerged from that mess, worn out and not certain about our path home, we chanced to meet a rainstorm that would keep us on the edge of our seats all the way home. you see, this particular road is prone to rock slides^[4] which take enormous chunks of the road down the side of the mountain (and cars too, if they're there), and a downpour like fake movie rain doesn't help. quiet and tense, we slalomed down the mountain past the construction where the last fatal rock slide was. there was so much water everywhere, but kara and i both gasped when we passed an unbelievable, violent torrent on one side...and it was only the first one. that's when i was truly scared. she drove like crazy to get us off the road before the whole thing washed away, but i was also afraid of hydroplaning. it was a delicate balance. we arrived home around midnight, and i practically wept.

^[1]
i reject "gray" as a viable spelling of this word. i mean gray is too broad, no gravity, all overblown hand gestures and monotony. now grey is a word that's squinting its beady black eyes. it could be the color of a mean sky or the dense fur of a wolf with its eyes trained on you and its hackles raised.

^[2]
"got up" is a generous idea. in reality we whipped our underslept carcasses into some clothes and stumbled through the mist into dark cars.

^[3]
another romanticization. this road is so twisty, half the time you're heading back the way you came. every drippy, endless tunnel from which you emerge has a 90 degree turn so you can never see what's ahead, nor can you see the alleged light. it feels like you're driving straight to hell, and it looks like it too.

^[4]
a fancy term for Crushing Freefall Of Death.

no comment

how could i forget this little gem spotted in the circle K candy aisle and immortalized by my phone camera??

you may need a little hanky for your...

well, i want to write, but all i have time for these days is work. i mean, actual work, not just internet-guzzling.
however, the puppeteers of humor have been handing me some lovingly-wrapped bits of crazy, so those will have to amuse you until i can ink out some words of my own.


the panky was actually pretty good for japanese chocolate and gave our sleepover party some "just on the brink of a sexy pillow fight" credibility. supposedly it has twice-baked bread crumbs inside (read: crunchy bits, which megan said felt like chewing glass), and the best part is this particular variety is "mild bitter Panky." while we were having our giggles, the innocent little kittens of japan were getting addicted to:


CATSMACK! buyer beware.

therapy

i've been working for six days straight; today is the seventh (sunday). it's abhorrent enough to be required to work straight through the weekend and into the week, but now they're tacking on another day!! we were supposed to have our school's cultural festival today, clean up tomorrow and finally have tuesday and wednesday off. however this morning, due to a pathetic threat of rain, we are now officially doing nothing today, but we still can't leave. and we have to work tuesday. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH! it better rain like the second great flood. (sunny and 84 degrees right now.) i also have to sit here and listen to this phlegmy old man try and cough up the biggest lugie in the world.
[amendment: they changed it so we don't have to work tuesday. phew!]

moving on!
yesterday my school had it's chorale and band performances. the gym was hot, and all the fans waving in people's hands looked like the flicker and flutter of enormous butterfly wings.
we also had sports day, something totally perplexing to me last year, since it wasn't really "sports" as much as team games and races. since i knew a lot of the students this year, it was much more exciting, and i may even have cheered a little bit.
starting the day off with a bang...they have no idea that this looks like "heil hitler."


the left front boy is one of my favorite students, hakuma, dressed up in a wig and makeup. japanese boys make surprisingly hot japanese girls. he was even stroking the ends of his hair in a convincingly girlish fashion.


i love that these kendo uniforms are so usual...just a typical japanese thing. they look awesome!


here's a relay race about keeping the ping-pong ball in the ladle.


and here's some actual muscle and speed. the guy smiling is kei, another of my students. i have never ever looked this happy while running.


most badass of the day, however, is always the traditional clothes they wear. i mean, i know they're high school boys and everything, but wow! takayuki on the left requested jokingly in class that i call him "master taka," so i do. he also asked me what "lol" means. oh the wealth of knowledge i provide.





































and the parting shot: a big group of my best boys hang out by the train station every evening. after their big sports day, i asked if i could take a picture, thinking they'd shrug and let me, but instead they leapt into action!

the earth unfolds

[part three? four? of an unknown number of entries concerning my trip home. i won't lark on this forever.]
i've just settled back down into my desk with a mentaiko flavored rice cracker after walking through a group of boys tucking their shirts in before they entered the teacher's room.

within days of arriving in america, the red, destroyed skin under my eyes began to clear and i stopped itching. i've basically been itchy for a whole year, so it was really really a relief. mom and i headed to the utah desert almost immediately for a long-anticipated camping trip.
oh desert that i love!





usually, an august trip to this area would be ridiculous (think: ow, blistering sun), but there had been several days of rain, so we gave it a shot...and we were the only ones. we didn't see a soul or another track on the road.
the sun went down on our cheeseburgers and baked beans, and thanks to that rain, out came some seriously hungry mosquitoes...probably already two days old without a meal in their little blood bellies. after brushing my teeth at a brisk jog to keep from being an easy target, i dove into the tent after mom, and we made a desperate collective effort of zipping every conceivable opening in seconds. the tent was then engulfed in a haze of insects lusting after human wine. the volume of the whining hum was great enough to be truly disturbing, and they hovered around the tent all night. my dreams were colored by the pervasive sound. i shrunk away from the sides of the tent to avoid being stuck through the fabric, and indeed, there were hopefuls plastered to the mesh, beaks prickling, in case we chanced to lean that way.
the morning breeze blew most of them away, and we were able to get on with the business of eating breakfast. we headed up and up towards the edge of comb ridge. my pictures don't do the height justice, so here is a little more about it.
we drove on several hours through wide open roads to reach lake powell, essentially a canyon that's been filled with water. this was one of our frequent haunts when i was a little girl, though neither of us had been there for ten years. the resevoir is 186 miles long (300km) and is deeper than 500 feet (150m) in some places. it's the same approximate area as singapore. not to get all fact-y on you, but if you've never been there, maybe it's difficult to grasp the marvelous expanse of it...in the middle of the desert. not much has changed since i was born, even the bathrooms at the campground are exactly the same with the same cold shower.





we headed away from the arid red rocks and back into the mountains where we were arrested by a field of huge sunflowers. i'm sorta sick of seeing sunflowers on baby cards and calendars, but as the sun went down, it was impossible not to be amazed by their brilliance.


we frolicked in the field, laughing that the sun flowers were all pointed away from the sun. as we neared home, a rainbow formed over the valley. i thought to myself as i have many times, "holy crap, colorado is beautiful."

jumping oceans

i visited california first and found it amazingly good-smelling and to my newly-adjusted skin, cold. unbelievably, shiveringly, freakingly cold.
my parting shot of japan (not cold):



i had packed for 90F (33C) degree weather, so i had nothing resembling reasonable clothing for the foggy bay area. when we went out one night in san fran's mission district, steph was kind enough to loan me a coat!



a little farther east in moraga, the weather was warmer. kathy and i had a poolside catch-up session that was far too short, and i was back on the piercingly loud and vaguely dodgy BART rail (sorry, Japan has spoiled me).



next stop: the desert and the sky

fresh to death

hey. betcha thought i forgot all about you!
naw.
the truth is i haven't felt much like writing in this high summer heat. i don't even want to touch my own skin, much less the warm keyboard of my sweet little white portal to the outside world. i began emotionally preparing myself for the feeling of being painfully hot and disgusting for months before it began, but in fact, after surviving last summer, it doesn't feel that bad. recently i was told this summer is unseasonably hot, and i was truly surprised. i think, miraculously, my sweater-weather-to-the-bone self adjusted. sure, i still walk around like i'm in a coma, but it's not a miserable coma.
when i was little and mom and i went on long summer road trips to visit family in texas without an air conditioner (think 11 hours!), we'd spray ourselves off with a mist of water, and it worked pretty well to cool us off. but here, you're already swimming in the air, and the idea of being wetter doesn't really help. sweat doesn't evaporate, so what's the point of sweating? a hand-held fan is indispensable. even glasses sweat so much, you could get a full gulp of water from all the condensation on the outside.
people walk around with hand towels folded on top of their heads or around their necks, and eveyone is constantly fanning, blotting, wiping, and saying that one word that wins for most-uttered in every japanese summer "atsui"--hot.
here's a little mini-video i made featuring some of the teachers at my school.



so today is the first day of school. that means the first day the students have to be here; the teachers always have to be here. i'm sticking to my desk top and sweating puddles into my chair, but i have nothing to do for the next five hours, so finally i'll sit down and tell you some things.
firstly, it's time you saw my car. as i mentioned before, it's like a really big rollerskate. not particularly roomy, and the engine could maybe power a lawn mower, but functional as a virtual Whole New World of privacy, convenience, and entertainment.


it's a suzuki alto, mere bare bones of a car, but thank the lord it has air conditioning. still needs a name, though. i'm open to suggestions.

one of my favorite things about the summer here is the abundance of kakigori (shaved ice) stalls. i've found the best one in town with truly angel soft ice, and the lady knows her stuff...she puts in plenty of syrup. this one's mango. other notable flavors are cola and melon. no grape, no cherry, no orange. and they laughed when i asked if they had banana.


after i ate this, i rode a train for two hours; had a final sleepover with marina, and flew to north america.


here's marina showing her high-spiritedness. neiiigh!

giving saruman salmonella

a single tiny fly has been making the same lazy circle for the last hour, and i'm content because i have nothing but time to sit here and watch it. the dishwasher is spouting steam and light is filtering in, illuminating plaster walls and wood floors. for the first time in a long time i feel chilly, deliciously chilly. i'm in berkeley, california, and japan is sweating away without me. no enormous spiders or mukade will make surprising appearances, and for that alone, i'm happy.
my first impression yesterday was how amazing the air smelled...i think they call it fresh. we drove on dingy freeways narrarated by grafitti, in a regular-sized car, to a park with grass. i was startled by all the blue eyes i saw, struggled not to order food in japanese, and was stunned by the enormous ball of goat cheese included with my salad. no one was smoking in the restaurant either.
as we drove past second hand stores and hippie shops, i had a flash of ease with my own culture because like it or not, i know it. we underestimate how comforting it is to know what to expect or where to find something. on the other hand, though, i feel dumbfounded by the sudden diversity, my own alien impulses, and...and the English everywhere.
last night i wrapped myself in a sheet straight out of the dryer and thought, "japan doesn't know what it's missing!" i slept well and dreamed about trying to poison an evil wizard from lord of the rings with undercooked garlic chicken. i think it's going to be an interesting trip.

level up!

with my recent acquisition of a car, an oven, and a successful match of girl vs. window, i think i deserve some end-of-round bonus points. level up, baby!
the short version of the window story is: ask for help to get something simple like window screens, wait three months, go through some bureaucracy, wait another month, pay a hundred dollars, and then (in a final battle of wits) try to figure out how to get them into the barred windows. in a moment of brilliance, i did figure out the puzzle (thanks for the skills, backspin) and now i have fresh bugless air!

the oven is one of those magical contraptions that microwaves, bakes, and toasts in one. far superior to my burn-it-up Easy Bake type oven.

i have also quite literally gotten higher, or should i say taller in my first pair of adult high heels. i'm nearing thirty; it was about time. they're even comfortable on my old skateboard injury ankle.

masters of the universe™

today smells like high summer. not exhausted, wilted summer, but the beginning of the real thing. the cicadas are still practicing, winding up and winding down, but the quiet will soon be destroyed by their endless piercing song, making the trees scream evilly. that's one of my first memories of my new home: angry, inpenetrable forest hanging over the road. now i know the forests become friendlier as the year wears on, and i see them as beautiful in their own unfamiliar way.
this was a notable week because i finally got my little engine-powered rollerskate, my car. i drove it back from a city two hours to the north, through the winding mountain roads that make me sick when i'm not driving, but guess what, i was! we arrived in kumano about ten, and i was beat but satisfied. it's actually really surreal to have my freedom again. i can go to the 24 hour market, i can pick up anything or anyone, and i can do it with air conditioning! yesterday i took my first drive alone, just to the bank, and it was like being a new driver all over again, but it was oh-so-amazing too. i flew by my students on bikes and smiled to myself. they can't see me, and yes, it's a relief. i drove kara and i to shingu for yakiniku, and we went shopping. like He-Man and She-Ra, I HAVE THE POWER!
as a final celebration of this year, kara, allison, and i went to osaka last weekend. it was the first time i had been there since my first visit to japan in 2001! we had planned on staying at a nice capsule hotel, but sadly all the ones we know that take women were full. i'll have to return in order to experience (and share about) that. we went to den-den town (den is short for denki, meaning electronic), the gamer nerd's paradise with old school/new school nintendo, busty manga heroines, and lots of glazed stares. yep, i'm a little bit of a nerd, so i enjoyed all the toys. there was even a sucker dispenser that's like gambling: you put your money in and then push a button to stop at the number of suckers you win. i got four!
for lunch we had, sweet deprivation, mexican food! every one of us was speechless in the presence of cheese and sour cream.
kara retired for the evening with her new super mario game, and allison and i got dolled up for a night on the town. do you know how long it's been since i really danced? at least a year! simply unacceptable. i wore a tube top as a skirt and a top made of shirt fiber that dissolves more and more each time i wash it. we were barely a block down the street before a cute japanese guy told us, "it's on me!" he wasn't creepy, so i harassed him back, and he laughed and stumbled on. a girl in his group noticed we were looking at a map and pointed us in the right direction of the bar we were looking for. the bar was cinquecentos, my heart's delight, a martini bar! the whole menu is 500 yen (only about $4.15), and as soon as we walked in, i felt welcomed and comfortable. it was a good mix of locals and foreigners, and the drinks were delicious. the cute bilingual boys behind the bar (one with an attractive brogue) were dancing and chatting, they seemed fun and real, and there wasn't a leering creep in sight. i wanted to be a local just so i could go back there more often.


we finally slipped off our stools and headed to the club, joule, a maze of stairwells with a dark mass of people heaving to the house music. in seconds we had wound our way near the front and joined in the sweaty, flashing light and motion. i danced to be young again. i danced to forget i'm a teacher. i danced to remember who i am in the context of the world. i danced for sheer exhileration. we spent our drink tickets wisely on water and stuck closely together. eventually we were manhandled by some forward japanese chaps (there's a first time for everything), but we shoved them away and they didn't return. finally at the brazen hour of 4:30 (even i was shocked!) we tripped home. only in japan can two ladies walk home undisturbed before dawn on the city streets. yes mama, i was still keeping an eye out. needless to say, we had a very quiet trip home the next day.
osaka is also home to this eye-catching love hotel, rose lips. euphemistic? you decide.

一年 (ichinen: one year)

i woke in a small bit of terror last night when i could have sworn i heard someone whisper, "now!"
now what? i tensed for something to happen, but nothing did.
i think it was actually some wierd sound escaping from my own mouth, but i lay plastered to my bed for a few moments until i felt safe, then i got up and had myself a drink of water. lately i haven't had the same beautiful sleep i was enjoying here for so long, and as a result, i'm a slave to my afternoon nap. i don't mean i take a nap; a nap takes me. i wake up and realize i fell for it again. yesterday i was reading after school and was fighting really hard because i had to meet with my supervisor a little bit later in the evening. it was all i could do not to drop the book and pass out before it hit the floor. today i was lucky enough to finish the book before i went under.
it's shocking, but i'm heading home for a little visit in under two weeks, in fact, it's only 11 days away. last time, i surprised even myself by bowing to other drivers whilst in my car (typical in japan but absolutely hilarious to my mother), bowing to someone who let me cross the street in front of their car (quizzical looks), and feeling completely incapable of walking on my mom's white carpet without taking off my shoes.
on august first, i'll have been in japan for a full, round year. this morning i looked through kate t. williamson's A Year In Japan, which i haven't gone through in some time, and i realized i knew personally about each of the little topics she artfully presents. it's the same old story: seriously!? a whole year has passed since i threw up in the bathroom of a posh hotel because i was so scared of my total life change? a whole year of firsts. four seasons of crafting a home from the remembered and the fresh, eating weird things like squid crackers and shaved ice with azuki beans and condensed milk, getting naked with my fellow teachers as a matter of course, and falling head over heels for my students.
i'm just glad i have another.

the girl vs. the elements--round one *clang*

last year, all typhoons turned before they reached our "hang loose" hand-shaped prefecture, but this year we're starting off the season with a bang. or more of a "BANG BANG BANG."


friday i was in for my first typhoon. not keen on spending it alone in my palace, i crossed my fingers that i'd be able to make it up to tsu to hang with my soon-to-be-missed marina. taking a cue from my neighbors, i pulled the metal window armor over my windows for the first time...truly creepy. i have a decent view of the tracks, and trains seemed to still be passing pretty much on time, in spite of torrential rain, so i bundled up my backpack and headed out on my bicycle for my second bath of the day. without a raincoat (i refuse to buy one that's not cute), i was drenched in seconds but not cold. it just looked like i had taken a dip with all my clothes on, and even i had difficulty pretending nothing was awry as i bought my ticket. i'm still not capable of riding a bike and holding a backpack, purse, and umbrella, but soon i will have the must-have accessory of the season: a car. i pulled out a towel and dried myself off a little, so at least my pants weren't dripping on the bench. the woman i sat next to smiled kindly when i sat down (somewhat rare), so i relaxed. we sat in silence for a while, until a pigeon all fluffed up started taking a bath in the water between train tracks. it made us laugh, and that seemed a good time to strike up a conversation. the woman and her husband inquired comfortably about my trip and my family.
*aside* being in japan has enhanced my expectation of modesty. that means, though i remain modest as i have always been, the lack of skin i see among the general population has heightened my sensitivity to it. when my male students are literally standing in their boxers changing from their PE clothes in the classroom! after class has started!, i am much more shocked than i would have been in ol' sexy america. this carries over to physical contact. good, real hugs are not common after high school, i'd say, and once when i went to hug a friend goodbye she literally asked me why! so for better or worse, i generally don't expect much human contact on a daily basis.
older women seem less prudish and space conscious, but i was still surprised when this darling lady sitting next to me, after only a few sentenced exchanged, reached over and warmly patted my wet leg, asking if i was cold. she and her husband (mr. and mrs. murata, i learned) kept me appraised of how many minutes late the train was going to be: 24, 27, 30...we kept waiting. she opened her purse and took out some tiny mandarins and a few crackers and gave them to me. her husband, upon learning that i was an only child, far from my family, said earnestly with a pantomime to enhance his words, "your parents' heart break."
when it seemed our time was getting short, i asked them if i could take a picture, my parkbench angels. right before we went our separate ways on the train, the woman clasped my hand fervently like she wanted very much to communicate her care and protectiveness to me; i was touched.


after two wet, air-conditioned hours on the train, i was properly cold--truly surprising in the middle of july, so i hobbled through the rain to marina's house to dry out. as we tucked into bed later, we heard creepy air raid-sounding sirens, warning of the oncoming cloud of doom, but we woke the next morning disappointed by the general lack of storm. we didn't even hear a strong gust, thought my girls in the south said the storm was loud and pummeled their apartment with wind.

book bender

on my traipse down the hill this morning, i saw a snake. it was big--probably the biggest one i've ever seen in "the wild." luckily for my Rad Teacher Image, i saw it in plenty of time so as not to squeal and/or throw myself inadvertently into the rushing water of the ditch. i don't hate snakes, especially harmless ones, but they do startle. being unfamiliar with the flora and fauna of this country, i wasn't certain of its poisonous-ness, so i watched sharply from my vantage point as it swam a bit, and then came to rest directly in my path. in an effort to hurry it along, i stomped my feet noisily in parceltongue with the message, "move your skinny butt so i can get to school." i'm sure i look like a crazed mime every morning with all the weird waving, ducking and now stomping i do, but it's all in an effort to avoid walking face-first into spiderwebs. i keep my hand up, arm out like i'm keeping the sun out of my eyes but it's really my Scout Arm, cutting through cobwebs like the prow of a boat. when the sun's not out, it's a useless masquerade, but then my slow, deliberate web-chopping motions probably defeat that anyway.
once at school (and now free of classes), i settled into a reading bender. the girl who's mother once said, "sometimes i wish you would just watch tv because it's so impossible to get your attention when you're reading," has been deprived of english books for almost a year now, and i recently learned that the english selection at the Mie public library is admirable in both quantity and breadth. today i've been stuck in a book like a burr in fur, almost physically unable to separate myself from the pages. i still write every morning, but i've noticed my vocabulary slipping as i lose my english to make room for japanese. that's what they call it, losing your english. i hope, for the sake of my future as a writer, we're only playing hide and seek.

the road to autonomy

here's me walking the course before my test

i've been thinking lately about my experience in japan as a minority. i realize i'm a well-treated and celebrified minority, due to the current vogue of american culture, but i still get stared at and gasped at and treated like a child. in a country as monocultural (at least at first glance) as japan, i am part of the virtually illiterate minority. sure, i can buy groceries or a train ticket, but i can't do much of anything else without help. i still can't make a reservation at a restaurant, talk to my bank about a mysterious transaction, or take a driving lesson without it being a big ordeal. what would only be about driving for a japanese person is about overcoming everything else first (how to get there in the middle of a school day when the train stop is much too far and i can't read a bus schedule?) before i can even start trying to figure out what the instructor is saying enough to learn something. it feels like a battle. i've gained a much deeper appreciation of what you miss when you don't speak the native language. it makes me think of immigrants in america--all they're up against and how much courage that takes!--to be away from your homeland, missing your family and the familiar, speaking the language like a three-year-old, and hoping no one takes advantage of your ignorance.
but back to driving. i've been living a small-scale existence without a vehicle. i don't go many places after dark, i have to abide by the infrequent trains, and i can't buy more than one bottle of tea or juice at the grocery store unless i want to give myself a heart attack on the ride back. i had lots of fun last summer trying to get weird items home on my bike, but nothing rivals the comfort and convenience of a car when it's pouring outside, you're sick, and all you want is to buy some cold medicine and go to bed without riding for thirty minutes, getting soaked to the skin, and having a small emotional breakdown when the closest pharmacy is sold out of what you need...not that that's ever happened to me. but it would suck.
so maybe you don't realize why i'm still on about my new driver's license, but this is why. i endured three months of having other people make appointments for me at a facility three hours away ($100 round trip), taking three different vacation days to go there for 1. submitting documents 2. a 10-question true or false written test that you'd have to be dumb to fail 3. the final performance art piece that is called the "practical" test on a closed course with no other traffic. you fail if you chew gum. you fail if you wear sandals. you fail if you don't execute the 18 instances of using the blinker exactly at the right time every time. i bribed a japanese-speaking friend to go with me once, i stayed up till midnight once so i could call the colorado DMV and get the professional evasive-government run-around for an hour which nearly ended in me putting a hit out on each of the three unhelpful persons with which i had to speak. finally the truth came out--they don't even keep the records before seven years ago, so NO ONE has the record i needed, nor would they write anything to that effect on DMV paper. i got to deal with the worst of two countries' bureaucracies. but finally, finally, i jumped through all the rings and they found me worthy of my own freedom.
in two short weeks, i will own a little white piece of heaven car, and i'm hoping to once again feel more like the me i know, the autono-me.

independence day

well after months of preparation, well-wishes, self pep talks, and prayers...i got my japanese driver's license!


you are not supposed to smile, which i knew, but i didn't even realize she had taken the picture, which is why i look so unenthused. i had just been at the license office for 5 straight hours, so i was a little tired. but don't let the look fool you, i was INCREDIBLY HAPPY! and i still am.

(empty)

i just lost the entire post i've labored over for three hours.
i'm sad.

lassitude in my (lad)itude

termites are on the way out; the jolly exterminators (seriously, they were jolly! i've never heard grown men giggle like that) visited my house mere days after the problem was discovered. if you have the beginnings of a bug problem in japan, you've got the makings of a full-blown disaster. my entire house is made of wood! a few months and it might've fallen with a whhhump into a heap...only the tile roof, my scattered shoes, and a tangle of yarn remaining.
last year i got ants. unlike dopey, dim-witted colorado ants that take weeks to organize enough to pose a nuisance, i saw a few ants in my kitchen in the morning, and by nightfall, it was like a river. i couldn't even find what they were eating. i had everything with sugar (glucose, fructose, OR sucrose) in the freezer, but they were everywhere anyway! their cleverness was also their fatal flaw; when i put out ant poison, they were all over it in minutes and gone the next day.
happily, the termites went back in the closet for my party, so i was truly able to relax and hang with the north mie kids. we had a liesurely beach day which made me impossibly happy. atashika is supposedly one of the 100 most beautiful beaches in japan, and it's only a 20 minute drive from my house. since i will soon have a car of my very own, this will no longer be an obstacle worthy of note. yes, i've bought myself a flea with wheels. the main obstruction remaining is my driving test which is closing in. will independence day return my autonomy to me in the form of a driver's license, or will i have another month chained to my bike? my heart pounds at the thought. (aack!!)

here's our fabulous ad for mini-beers. i know, it's hard to see them in our hands! these are fun 'cause you can drink them before they get warm. public drinking is all systems go in japan.


me and memento molly



since my house was damaged in the Great Termite Storm of '07, they got in there right away and replaced almost all of my nice, silky, weathered, golden tatami with new, green tatami. this would be fine with me except it smells like HAY. not romantic like faint sweet straw--like "i've been sitting in a barn for a year" HAY. it's overwhelming. here's the difference in color:


i do appreciate knowing that there are no hidden things wriggling around underfoot, though. i get to start fresh. the rainy season is delightfully dry this year so far, so i haven't been seeing any mukade yet, good news! i can't handle more than one bug problem at a time. here is the kanji for bug: 虫 doesn't convey any of the disgust i feel.
getting around to the title of this post, though, i've been feeling a japan low lately. not so much japan as work in japan. someone i know called working for the JET Programme "a velvet rut," and that's precisely what it is. we make plenty of money and live comfortably enough, but even with the responsibility i have here, i am not a Real Teacher, i am just an assistant who can be demanded of and undermined at will. most of my teachers are great, but a combination of my duties and the students' lack of motivation is so draining, and then there's the fun bag of cultural differences that can vacuum the energy right out of you. that's why i jumped at the chance to teach mr. m some english when he asked me. sure, it doesn't hurt that he's totally cute too. i was a little nervous for our first formal lesson--where do you begin? how do you know how to fill in the blanks for someone who knows a lot of vocabulary but little grammar? our first lesson was so much better than i was expecting! instead of not being willing to act out situations like my high school students, he totally humored my impulses. i indroduced myself as someone else, and we went over the small talk questions and answers like you would when meeting someone in a casual situation. it was fun! he shook my hand but didn't know when to let go (tee hee). he seemed actually eager to learn, which was so refreshing. i had him ask me questions, and he was off like a shot, communicating the hell out of everything. our next lesson is today, and we've agreed he'll pay me in kakigori which are snow cones, basically. i know, i'm cheap, but i love me some flavored ice.
yesterday i came home and just couldn't manufacture any more energy. i wanted to go for a walk or anything, but i didn't have it in me. instead i managed to get up and make one of those meals i grew up on...salmon croquettes. the smell of cooking onions overpowered the barn fetor and revived me, and though the tiny cans of salmon were expensive, the croquettes were tender and marvelous. here's the recipe:

1 can salmon (about 2 cups) or 4 mini cans in japan (that's got a ring to it)
1 small onion, chopped finely
1 egg
1/2 cup of bread or cracker crumbs, or, as i tried last night, crushed corn flakes

mix it all together (don't be startled by the cartilege in the salmon--it's totally edible) and shape into croquettes (about 1/4 cup each)
fry in oil for about 5 min on each side (till browned) and enjoy with ketchup

last friday i was at the home store with melissa, and we were chatting about and looking over all the flowers and herbs for sale. i looked up and saw a non-japanese man walking out of the store right by us. i was so stunned that my mouth was literally agape. he said something like, "good afternoon, ladies." i didn't recover in time to respond! what does this say about me!? on saturday, i was talking to my mom on skype (using my computer's ambient microphone, so she can hear everything, including the daily loudspeaker playing Edelweiss at noon) when my landlady stopped by to tell me that she couldn't find a place to have my key copied for a spare. when i got back on the phone, my mom said, "it sounded like you were understanding and responding in japanese!" i was like, yeah...she doesn't speak english. it was the first time someone i know has overheard me speak anything other than english. that's one of the reasons i really want someone to visit me here--i have no barometer of how much i've learned!

i have one more bug-related story. i woke one morning with a 1 inch diameter circle on my arm with a smaller circle inside. it looked like a bug bite--spider maybe. i began worrying about renegade populations of brown recluses or something equally ridiculous. everything is more of a big deal here since i don't have the greatest faith in the health system. it faded eventually, but the next day i woke up with a similar mark on my arm in a different place. what on earth could it be? i went over to my bed and what did i see? it was the impression of the button on my rilakkuma teddy bear that i must have been clutching tightly in my sleep!!

welcome to the infestation*

*this is a frowny-faced tribute to the R.E.M. song Welcome to the Occupation

nothing says "party" like termites falling out of every corner.
the termite problem of which i was completely unaware until two days ago was apparently just waiting to be announced; now they're coming out of the woodwork, har har. last night i was playing a rousing game of Stomp and Vacuum, but i finally gave up and went to bed, hoping desperately that i didn't wake to any wriggling or flying things on me. i didn't, but i was completely grossed out at the little piles of parasites in every room, and i can just imagine how fun my four guests for the weekend will find it. WHEE!

in happier news, this week is O-VER! the petunia i grew from seed has actually flourished and is finally blooming! they must have put a mix of colors in the pack because i've gotten both a purple and red bloom so far.







and by request, a few of my favorite pages of the hatchan book i mentioned last time:





finally, i'm taking my driving test on the 4th of July, so hopefully i will be showing my 'patriotism' by successfully acquiring a foreign driver's license...