thegirl and the self-timer: old friends

i've been doing weird self-portraits for years, usually only for lack of a companion. this set of photos was particularly challenging, and i have plenty of shots of just my butt in the camera to prove it. ten seconds just isn't quite enough to hurl yourself down some steps and into a balanced handstand, but i did get one good shot.


my facial expressions are positively tragic with visible effort. i don't think many breakdancers aspire to look like hungry jackals.



and later in the locker room of my gym, i decided to try some tricks in a dress.



i've been packing all day. i have a mere two weeks left in my dear little bug-infested paradise. i've lived here longer than i've lived anywhere alone, so it will be strange, strange to leave it in someone else's hands.

the lushness makes a leafy cave on the path up to my house. goodbye falling-down house.

in the eye of the flea

i'm going home for a visit in exactly a month (yaHOO!), but before that i have to move! i can't believe it! my contract is finally coming to an end (that three years evaporated fast), and i've felt the growing urge to leave small-town japan for a big city (where i can wear my wacky clothes and lolita dresses!) my future home is called ichinomiya, a mere ten minutes from nagoya by train. ichinomiya is an interesting city in its own right: a hub of textile-making and home to the noro yarn factory, but i'm equally thrilled to be in such close proximity to nagoya. i like nagoya partly because it's underrated. while tokyo, kyoto, and osaka are constantly entertaining strangers, nagoya gets on with living. it feels normal there. don't get me wrong, i still adore osaka, but i think as far as places to live go, nagoya is much more my speed.
not only will i be changing towns, i'll be trading mie prefecture's hang-ten hand for aichi, which is more, well, flea-shaped!



last weekend i got to do something i've been dying to do since i started thinking about moving: apartment hunting! i love seeing inside empty houses and imagining my life in each one, and it's even more interesting in japan. i scoured the online listings for hours, scrutinizing every floor plan, decoding what the abbreviations meant, determining where they were located. i found a good sampling within my estimated price range, and finally i got to visit the real estate office.
i had tiptoed around actually contacting them for months. it's totally legal here to discriminate against foreigners for housing, and especially if your japanese is poor (like mine), some people are flat-out refused. i was quaking in my boots that this would happen. while my employer has some housing available, it shares a kitchen and a bathroom, and people, i am 30 years old. i want my own space! i have had so many undesirable situations where i was the only person cleaning the bathrooms or kitchen, and i'm so over that.
i decided the best course of action would be to email minimini (the real estate company) the online form for the places i liked. i was able to communicate through email for a bit, hopefully laying down a foundation for our business relationship. i convinced my friend sam to go with me to help with communication, as his japanese is hot stuff. i was sweating bullets over all the details: how much money would i need to move in? (a lot, i was sure), when could i move in?, what kind of guarantor would i need? etc. i was totally blessed, therefore, when the secretary of my new employer offered to go with me to look at apartments. she's japanese. she knows about all those details. pheeww.
she and i met for the first time and headed straight to minimini to look for some good apartments. the agent was helpful and pulled a bunch of apartments with my specifications. most important: a nice kitchen! who knew i would turn into someone who loves cooking so much? i don't want to be cooking in the hallway just inside the front door, a typical layout. i also don't want a single burner stove and no counters. i wanted a good size kitchen with some natural light.

so typical. :) an apartment i considered, but decided against. you walk in the front door and there's a bathroom sink, followed by a kitchen sink and small stove (see the floor plan). no hallway cookin' for me!























this even smaller place is purely unacceptable unless you have kitchen phobia.



then we headed out to see some places. i thought we'd be visiting at least, you know, six places, but we only went to three! the first one was a...how do you say?...a dump. dinky windows on the first floor and facing a rusted brown corrugated wall (possibly artistic, but not good for reflecting light); i was not thrilled. the space was ok, three tiny rooms and a window in the kitchen, but i knew i couldn't live there.
the second place was like paradise after the first: new, gorgeous, and with many perks! we all ambled around in wonder. it had a great stove already, an air conditioner (most places don't and they're Expensive), beautiful storage, nice fixtures! the drawbacks were important, though. again it was on the first floor, not good for single women living alone. i want to be able to leave my windows open when i sleep, but the only other "windows" besides the tiny one in the kitchen was the two very nice, huge sliding glass doors--not a good way to keep prowlers out. that means i would always have to sleep with the windows closed. hmm. also, the sliding glass doors face cedar bushes. it may be private, but it's boring. if there's one thing i know about myself, it's that i need a view. i need to be able to see other people or cars or something. it helps me feel connected. there were no windows in the laundry room, bathroom, or toilet either...a tiny bit depressing. lastly, the first floor is the bug floor. i've had my fill of huge, ugly bugs. i'm ready to go up a level.
Apartment Two:
fancy toilet, and a mirror so you can look at yourself while sitting on the fancy toilet?

the face washing sink (this seems to be an important feature in Japanese apartments), and a place for the washing machine.


ooh, nice stove. i've never seen a place with a "real" oven. my convection oven is wonderful, though.


seriously great storage, a huge plus.


the view of the cedar bushes.



the last place we looked at was the one i had picked as my online favorite. when i had seen it, i had a "that's the one" moment. i didn't think it was going to be possible since it was near my upper price limit and i thought i'd have to pay extra for parking, but the parking is included.
inside the top floor corner apartment, it was a festival of sunlight. the view was marvelous; windows in all the rooms, away from the bugs and street noise and peeping eyes. an aerie. granted, it didn't have the appliances the other place had, but it felt so much more like me. we exclaimed over the view; i exclaimed over the spotless stainless steel under the kitchen sink (you could eat off it), and i snapped pictures helter-skelter. we returned to the office utterly exhausted. i wanted to get on with drawing up the contract for Door Number 3, but i guess they have to formally ask the landlord and do all sorts of credit checks, so i headed home to wait it out.

Door Number 3:
the plan.


inside the front door. nice cabinet for shoes.


the first left is the face washing/laundry room, which leads into the bathing room. a window in each!


a close-up of the face washing station.


the 2nd left is the toilet. it's not a "washlet," but i do think the toilet seat is heated, which is pretty much the ultimate luxury.


standing in the kitchen looking back at the front door.


the kitchen! so clean, so pretty!


the other side of the kitchen where the balcony is.


in the room adjacent to the kitchen (the corner room), there is a glass window so you can see onto your balcony without going out on it. handy?


a wider view of that room with the front window.


and finally, the corner window and closet.



other benefits of this building include an air conditioned elevator, hey! and its close proximity to mos burger, baskin robbins, and at least 3 conbinis.

the funny part was that after we had all parted ways, i didn't feel the incredible relief i expected to feel after finding a possible home; i felt terrified! if i was sweating bullets before, i was sweating cannonballs now. for three days i was under the most choking, sweating, persecutin' fear. what if i couldn't afford that place with my new job? what if i didn't get the apartment? what if i did? how on earth was i going to pay for all the appliances? an air conditioner alone is over 500 bucks here! how was i going to live on the money i have left from this job for the next two months until i get my next real paycheck? finally after going to bed exhausted (and sometimes waking up in worry) every night, i finally had a breakthrough. i remembered what i learned from Biggest Loser: fear is a doorway. i'm so close to getting something i've wanted to experience for at least 5 years--city living in japan--and i'm ready to turn away at the opportunity because it's hard and scary. i can either go towards fear and through it, or i can keep retreating and never get past it. it takes being uncomfortable to grow, and i want to grow!
i still don't have any answers, but i know God's going to provide for me. it doesn't mean it's going to be perfect but that i'm not alone in dealing with it. those are odds i think i can live with. so unless things take another turn, i will be moving into this lovely apartment in the high heat and humidity of summer with no air conditioning! i wil probably lose five pounds of sweat! i think i see a silver lining?

mind your Ds and Qs (i'm not talking about Dairy Queen, people)

when you visit me in japan (as kara did recently), here are some ground rules:
DO visit all the good restaurants with me because we both eat meat! meat rules!


DO have a rousing night of old-people-meets-new-people karaoke with favorites like Gold Digger and Dance Dance.


DO eat the delicious breakfasts i make, like orange, chocolate chip, walnut scones.


DO get dressed up in antique kimono that cost over $10,000 and eat traditional desserts like yokan.



but lord, DO NOT come down with anything vaguely resembling the flu if you were recently in the US, or the still-panicky health department will send you to get tested for the swine flu. this involves having a swab stuck so far up your nasal cavity that your brain hears a knock at the door.
kara and i had a really great visit, but the day she was supposed to leave, she showed up at my school with a high fever and sore throat. when she called the health department (she was required to call them every day of her trip to assure them she was in good health), they sent us to the hospital for a swine flu test. we weren't even allowed through the main entrance. a nurse with a very secure mask resembling a cloth duck bill met us and told us to stay in the car. when they called us in the back basement entrance of the hospital, the doctor and nurse who met us were in full-body cloth hazmat suits! not a speck of skin or hair or clothing was open to the air.
on the left is the wonderful teacher helping us, miss shirota, with her signature style of wearing a mask over just her mouth. totally effective, uh huh.


the hospital basement with some machine thingie.


the depressing room in which we had to wait for the results. very prison-esque.


the exam was short, and kara came up negative for swine flu, but they still wanted to keep her in the hospital for several days while her fever went down. the only other choice was my house. of course it was ok for her to stay with me, but it meant putting off the rest of her trip.
we returned home, and i went back to work. soon someone came to inform me that i was taking a mandatory two days off so i wouldn't threaten the rest of the school with the flu i didn't have. fine! two free nice days off (no complaints)...cooped up with a sick person. so it was no surprise that i came down with the same thing the day kara got back on the road.
my sore throat got worse and worse and worse. fearing strep throat, i headed to the doc, and though he only looked in my throat (no culture needed, i guess), and after the obligatory brain-scramble swab, he told me it wasn't strep or the flu. however, since he prescribed an antibiotic, i didn't complain. i figured that should kill it.
in japan, you can either swallow the fun powder or fill your own capsules, which i decided to do, just because it was fun playing apothecary.

grey today

the sky is grey when i wake up, but the air isn't heavy. the birds are singing, and last night's invisible sprinkle has cleaned the air of blooming jasmine. i feel quiet. as mom can tell you, this can translate to grouchy if you try to talk to me on mornings like this, but i'm alone, so i have my black mango tea with light chocolate cookies in silence. when i was young, i was obsessed with the idea of tea and crumpets, though i had no idea what crumpets were. i imagined they were crumbly, cylindrical cookies. maybe they had chopped nuts like a scone. when i was told what they were really like, i ignored the truth and kept imagining them the way i always had. i've still never had one, and i actually just looked them up online to see what they really look like...like an english muffin, how boring.
i get dressed in cloudy colors and zip up my brooding sweatshirt. it's a hoodless hoodie; a soft, fitted jacket that feels perfect on days i want to be left alone. there's a dagger pin at the neck from a deadly squire oven mitt i bought in new york. the black is worn to grey and the sleeves are holey, thanks to planned obsolescence. i would like it a little better if there wasn't a big hole in the armpit. i've sewn it together twice, but it keeps disintegrating. an armpit hole is as embarrassing for a shirt as a tear in the rear is for pants.
i take small steps down the hill to school, enjoying the new smells rising from the trees and flowers. a plant i don't know drops tiny white petals on the path from where it perches in the hillside overhead. i know i'll miss this two-minute walk when i live in the city. it's the perfect filter for the day: differently-colored flowers every season, fresh smells, sun and rain. i try to hold onto that feeling when i face the next 8 hours indoors. today i breathe in a pleasant woodsmoke smell and try to time my tiny steps so i'll arrive at the road in-between big groups of students, but i'm not quite successful. two girls who normally yell my name from a block away see me, but thankfully they just say hello and keep talking. i change my shoes and trudge inside without seeing anyone, a relief. the office is still quiet because the first bell hasn't rung yet, so i manage to install myself at my desk without much trouble. when the meeting ends, i plug in my headphones and tune out everything except you. the computer picks music for my mood perfectly: slowdive, hum, jason mraz, azure ray, jose gonzales, sun kil moon, iron & wine.
last night, i peeked outside my front door to see where the exhaust smell filling my house was coming from. a big spider fell off the door, and i swear it tripped over its long legs and staggered backwards. this is going to be a very big insect year. it's only may!

so, as i finally come out of my quiet mood (oh ****! now i'm having a disproportionate amount of rage because someone threw away my milk, and i already brewed my coffee. angry face!), i should get to news. wow! it's been a month since i've written. that was quick. the exercising continues, though with actual school going on, i have a little less creative energy to think about dancing. i'm still running and lifting weights, and my arms are showing real improvement...definition noticeable enough that one of the ripped baseball boys asked me the other day if i've been lifting weights! it's so nice to have arms that are not just weak, shapeless tubes. of course, it makes fitting into the sleeves of delicate japanese shirts nigh impossible. (i'm over the coffee anger; don't worry. it only lasted a few minutes.)
i bought a wrist support, which makes trying tricks much more comfortable, at least physically. when i'm writhing around on the mats in a confusion of awkward spins and falls, it takes commitment to keep trying as a toothless old man stares from the vibrating plate machine. oh well. my body has felt good lately; my back feels better-supported, the weird binding/burning ligament on the top of my right foot has gone away, and my wrists and knees are holding up. it's all about the joints in this family.
as for next year, it looks like i'll be working in ichinomiya, aichi. it's only 10 minutes from nagoya, hallelujah! i have been so caught up in the details and complications of trying to end one job, plan a big move, find an apartment, start a new job, sell my car, and visit home, all in a foreign language, that i've lost sight a little bit of how exciting it will be to (for starters) live in a city that has a mexican food restaurant! has trains every few minutes instead of every few hours! is an hour from the airport! i am seriously timed out on this small town, and i'm proud of launching myself into the unknown in order to find more stimulation and inspiration. full speed ahead!

the secret life of knees

my knees have been working hard lately in my quest for breakdancing skills. i don't bruise easily, but even landing tricks on tatami has left every surface of my kneecap in various shades of purple.


i've begun lifting weights in earnest (i guess you could call it that); it's just no fun being too weak to catch myself as i hurl face-first toward the floor. my vocabulary and understanding of moves like windmills and flares has improved, but my poor "power" wrist is the weakest link. so many "power moves" require balancing all your weight on just one hand. my weedy wrists cry for mercy.
my body also seems confused as to whether it is fit or flabby; it's caught somewhere in between. some muscles are pulling in, some pushing out, some have yet to surface. it's a confused circus of fit-making. i just need a movie montage; that would make this process go a whole lot faster.

WTF, japan!

april 2: thanks to the elusive genius of the postal service, i sent off my american taxes two days ago...and then received them (stamps cancelled) in my own mailbox! certainly the japanese stamps and return address, along with the "airmail" sticker, were enough to indicate it should actually leave the country. the other weird part was the envelope wasn't stuck in my mail slot like usual or on the floor below it, it was about two feet from there on the big step up into my house...like it had been placed there. i can't even imagine how it got there; i hope desperately it was just a big gust of indoor wind, not some creepy (but clueless) postal worker.

also, the one time they ask me if i want bags at the grocery store (they seriously overbag here. my second complete japanese sentence was "i don't need a bag"), i have to say yes i need some because i didn't remember to bring any from home, and what does the guy do? he charges me 5 yen and doesn't give me bags. he gives me a stamp card for bringing my own bags, which i clearly don't have. invisible bags: not good for groceries! i took the basket out to my car and just plopped things one by one into the seat and drove off laughing nervously.
is april fool's a day later here? am i being punk'd?

well, whatever. i've been working out a lot (words i never ever thought i'd say), so i've been pretty relaxed. i am approaching a place i have never consciously been in my life: fitness. the muscles under my skin are beginning to feel taut, the sweating is making my skin smooth, and i'm getting some definition in my legs and abs. i mean, i actually have muscles under there? i keep wanting to touch them to ascertain they're really there. i'm totally going to turn into that guy who has his hand under his shirt all the time because he's feeling his pecs.

auto-updates, the scariest thing since killer bees

this morning i was prompted to update my computer software, something i've been avoiding for months. auto-updates are the kiss of death. the last two times i have allowed them to run their course, my computer fell into a coma and had to be woken up in "safe mode," which feels far from safe. they should call it "get ready to panic mode." both times i was able to eventually reach my computer's consciousness again, but after last year's hard drive failure, i'm rightfully paranoid. however, updates are important for security and performance reasons, so i finally hurried through a photo/music backup session and clicked Go To It.

*beep...swoosh*
no blue screen of death? no endless restart? i think that's a first.

nevertheless, i'm having an oddly anxious day. i'm hoping to get a job in this small english school near nagoya, and i have an appointment to meet them in a week and check out the housing options they have available. that's one odd thing about japan. rather than leaving you to your own devices, many jobs have their own housing, which can either be a really good thing or really, really not.
i love looking at apartments, and i was actually really excited to find a cute little place that's right for me, but it could be a lot cheaper to go with what they have, and my japanese isn't great, so there you go. the persistent problem.
i had a nice anxiety dream about it too, or i guess it was an anxiety dream. in my dream i was worried about it, just like i am IRL (that's "in real life" for you grown-ups), but when they showed me the apartment, i loved it. an anti-anxiety dream? but when i woke up, i didn't feel any of the "phew, it was only a dream" relief.
on the other hand, i have been obsessively daydreaming about what it would be like to live a mere ten minutes from a major city! i have been wrapping myself in the sweet nectar of shorter train times and cheaper fares like a mosquito in lip gloss. i'll be half an hour (and $10) from places it would have taken me 3 hours (and $70) to reach from here! my life will never be the same again. i mean, i might actually have one.

shake n' break

here's the freeze i nailed this morning and without looking all exhausted and sweaty, either! can't say the same for all my practices earlier in the week. i definitely need to work on my arm strength, as i have now realized that being a woman, and therefore having a lower center of gravity, makes the power moves a lot more challenging because it changes the balance. i'm determined, though!



very dramatic! i love this shot; i just couldn't make it into position before the self-timer went off.


a much harder freeze: no knees!