Thursday, March 27, 2008

strange but true, shocking secrets revealed

i used to be funnier.
oh, that's not the secret. i just read back through some of my older posts, and i'm disturbed that lately my writing hasn't been up to my own standards. this is something i've been exploring, and i had an emotional crisis and breakthrough in the space of a week. nothing like tears to water the soil for a new beginning. and perfect timing; it's gorgeous outside!

well anyway. here are a few things i've learned about those sharply-dressed, brisk-walking paradox-makers we call the japanese.
disclaimer: i am uncomfortable, even in jest, making generalizations about an entire people, but suffice it to say that overwhelmingly i've found these things to be true in my particular town. when i say "they," i do not mean to make a huge chasm of otherness, but simply to point out some things that are funny and seem odd from my perspective. without further ado...

-+- they don't refrigerate eggs in the grocery store.
-+- they wear face masks to prevent the inhalation or exhalation of contagions, yet even when they aren't wearing masks, they will cough and sneeze all over [you] without covering their mouths!
-+- they change into special bathroom slippers, presumably to keep bathroom germs confined to the bathroom, yet i swear, they do not wash their hands after using the toilet!
ok, it seemed like there were more, but that's all i can think of for now. you guys can contribute any i forgot about...

speaking of toilets, the one at school recently got a makeover. this is like the answer to a billion unspoken prayers. the bathroom itself is still frigid, but now the one western-style toilet has a heated seat, yeah baby! also, to prevent the constant flushing to mask bathroom noises, each stall now has a coveted sound princess.

the control center for our new butt spa. and you thought toilets were simple! here are two different control panels that do exactly the same things: wash the front, wash the back, dry, flush. believe me, the only button i tried was "flush" but it didn't work! wail! what's the point of a butt spa if the flush button doesn't work and you still have to turn all the way around to push the handle; that's not relaxing!
i'm sure you have a burning desire to know exactly what the sound princess acutally sounds like, so here's a video.

what do you think? adequately watery? do you have to go now?
even though the bathroom overhaul included the installation of brand new soap dispensers, guess what? no soap!

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