Sunday, October 05, 2008

my chunky darling

have you ever tried dyeing your hair with a cow pie?
well i have.
my mom, the hairdresser, recently told me about some findings that a certain chemical in black hair dyes causes cancer. that isn't a huge leap in my mind; i mean they are chemicals, and one of the last things i want is a higher risk of cancer. she and i both dye our hair black, and we were both looking for an alternate solution. i bought the only black, chemical-free henna dye i could find before i headed back from the US this summer. a few days ago i gave it a shot.

what a monuMENTAL waste of time and energy. not only do you have to let the henna enjoy its coffee and news for three hours before you apply it, you can't use ANY metal instruments, bowls, clips, spoons, or even look at something metal the whole time. what's more, it smelled suffocatingly grassy, and it was the color and texture of a warm cow pie. delightful.

when it was finally time for the henna to crack its knuckles and get to work, i divided my hair off and started slopping the stuff on. it was thick and fibrous. chunks fell freely as i tried to work the thick stuff into my hair. i added water until it was the right texture, but it was still difficult getting it to adhere. i finally gave up on the chunks and just did the best i could to evenly apply it. THEN it began to drip. and drip. and drip. i couldn't keep up with the chunks flying and the drips snaking down my face, shoulders, and back.

i finally got the provided plastic bag around it, but then came the next ridiculous step--keeping it hot for twenty minutes or more. i was trying to aim the hairdryer into the plastic bag without melting it, prevent the drips from overflowing (not easy when the bag inflated from the hairdryer) and keep my hair warm enough to actually work. fail!
i finally got fed up and just wanted the filthy stuff OFF my head, screw the dye job. my hair was now nappy and disgusting and pretty water repellant. it took at least four washes to pry the plant bits off of my scalp.
in the end, my entire bathroom looked like it had been dive-bombed with dung, and i smelled like a feed lot for a week!


  1. oh, my. stan said you had some interesting pictures on your blog!

  2. heh heh, yeah. not my most attractive moment.

  3. so did it dye your hair at all or was it a total loss?

  4. total loss. no change whatsoever!

  5. yes, i've done it. it sucks. i've gone back to the poisonous stuff and it works great.

  6. Hilarious Lauren - I died laughing. It may not have been worth it for you but it was totally worth it for me :)

  7. you're so right, rox! i've gone back to the poison too. O_o
    thanks, chels!!