unlike the first time i had computer troubles, there was no happy ending to this week's story. my computer froze with no warning, i turned it off to reboot, and that was the moment i kissed all of my data goodbye. like a paranoid, antisocial hermit crab, my hard drive disappeared in a dark corner and refused to be found no matter how i jiggled and pried, coaxed and bribed, and implored its maker.
in the apple store, naka broke the news to me simply and gently, "your hardo-doribe is broken. all your data is gone. i'm sorry." i had prepared myself for that and i nodded. however, facing the actual loss of everything, the abduction of my memories, the evaporation of my pictures, work, and history into lost 1s and 0s, suuuuucked. in starbucks, over a weird chicken salad sandwich laced with legumes, i couldn't hold back tears.
hilariously, i have been vigilant in backing up my downloaded television, so i may have to recreate every work file i've made in the last two years and retake all 400 pictures of my students, but at least i can watch Law & Order when i'm done. i have been trying to have a "barn's burnt down, now i can see the stars," attitude about this, but my eyes are still adjusting. i don't feel nearly as pathetic as i did this weekend, and that's largely due to the good company i enjoyed in the aftermath. i met some good people at fern's house, and they allowed me to talk too much and make them laugh, which i needed to take my mind off winkie's demise. another immeasurable relief is that blinkie, my ipod, is healthy, so my 30GB of music are safe for the moment. that's the only thing keeping me from madness as the hours after work stretch out in a cacophony of silence.
i have had the opportunity to re-examine how i was spending my time and consider how much more productive i could be if i didn't spend most of it watching youtube. i picked up the lace knitting i haven't gotten around to for months, started an immense book, and have given some serious thought to making some art again. as i am still down one computer until next weekend, we will see how fruitful i continue to be and if the direction of my life changes for the better. but in the meantime, say these words with me, "hard copy, back it up, save to the web."
Sunday, May 25, 2008
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
nerds hit rock bottom
yesterday i received the first installment of my Foreign Buyer's Club order, so in an effort to have a special celebratory american-foods-only lunchtime, i opened the nerds candy i have been saving for the past five months. slight problem. the box isn't airtight, and it's clear the nerds are not what they used to be. a far cry from the glossy, crunchy explosions of concentrated sweet-tartness i love so well, they are dull, puffy, soft, and splotchy like a hollywood starlet after five years of hard drugs and anti-depressants. at least my amy's organic burrito was magnificent and deliciously americany. i also ordered some palmolive dish soap, which actually Cuts That Freaking Grease, just like it says. i've gotten used to it, but the dish soap here is mostly useless. now it's like my birthday every day--clean dishes!
Monday, May 19, 2008
my secret path
i love finding secret places. since i was a little girl, i've always loved looking for places to hide, not because i am afraid of being pursued, but maybe because my ultimate desire is to be found, searched for and found, by the right person. that's why i love that line in The Cure's A Night Like This, "i'm coming to find you if it takes me all night;" i love to be looked for, and hiding also makes me feel protected and intimate with the space that surrounds me.
when i was in high school theater, i would sometimes slip behind the expansive and sometimes rickety sets, into tight corners of darkness that smelled like sawdust and paint and old curtains just to listen for a while, just to see if anyone would miss me. i can fit into places people think no one would go. it's like being held securely. for someone with as much nervous energy as i have, it makes me feel calm and anchored in a way i normally don't.
i knew it would take time to uncover the secret places in my town, but i've kept my eyes open for them. imagine my surprise, then, when i heard a rumor that a trail behind my own house led to a boulder overlooking the town. i had to find out. i also love a good lookout. what i believed was a trail to someone's house (as i could see a gate at the top of some steep stairs) was in fact the head of that very trail. there were some houses there, once, but the gate is the only thing that hasn't fallen to ruin.
one saturday morning curiosity overtook me. i didn't even change out of my pajamas, but edged up the trail, body tense in anticipation of what i'd find. honestly i was ready to turn back at any moment if i came across too many cobwebs or snakes, but nothing spooked me, so i kept going.
at the top of a steep climb, the trail met a narrow road which led to a wider trail and a mobile phone tower...romantic. past that, though, the trail narrowed to a jungly trek following the ridge. it became clear that the view must be pretty spectacular, only the foliage was too high to get a glimpse.
i finally reached a crack in the base of a huge boulder with a knotted rope hanging down. i figured climbing it would lead to the view i sought, but i also had gone pretty far in my pajamas, and i would prefer to do any climbing with a companion in case there were troubles, so i called it a day.
several weeks later, i convinced kino to join me, and he invited a few other new teachers, so mayumi came too.
we stopped at the first place where the trail opens a bit. i planned to return alone to sunbathe here until a teacher mentioned that dangerous wild boars roam these woods.
we climbed out of the darkness and into the sun. coming up over the top of the rock, the world fell away in the most spectacular panorama of my town i've ever seen.
to the right, mountains.
to the left, open sea.
the view from below.
i feel like i've uncovered a key feature of my neighborhood, and it only took two years.
when i was in high school theater, i would sometimes slip behind the expansive and sometimes rickety sets, into tight corners of darkness that smelled like sawdust and paint and old curtains just to listen for a while, just to see if anyone would miss me. i can fit into places people think no one would go. it's like being held securely. for someone with as much nervous energy as i have, it makes me feel calm and anchored in a way i normally don't.
i knew it would take time to uncover the secret places in my town, but i've kept my eyes open for them. imagine my surprise, then, when i heard a rumor that a trail behind my own house led to a boulder overlooking the town. i had to find out. i also love a good lookout. what i believed was a trail to someone's house (as i could see a gate at the top of some steep stairs) was in fact the head of that very trail. there were some houses there, once, but the gate is the only thing that hasn't fallen to ruin.
one saturday morning curiosity overtook me. i didn't even change out of my pajamas, but edged up the trail, body tense in anticipation of what i'd find. honestly i was ready to turn back at any moment if i came across too many cobwebs or snakes, but nothing spooked me, so i kept going.
at the top of a steep climb, the trail met a narrow road which led to a wider trail and a mobile phone tower...romantic. past that, though, the trail narrowed to a jungly trek following the ridge. it became clear that the view must be pretty spectacular, only the foliage was too high to get a glimpse.
i finally reached a crack in the base of a huge boulder with a knotted rope hanging down. i figured climbing it would lead to the view i sought, but i also had gone pretty far in my pajamas, and i would prefer to do any climbing with a companion in case there were troubles, so i called it a day.
several weeks later, i convinced kino to join me, and he invited a few other new teachers, so mayumi came too.
we stopped at the first place where the trail opens a bit. i planned to return alone to sunbathe here until a teacher mentioned that dangerous wild boars roam these woods.
we climbed out of the darkness and into the sun. coming up over the top of the rock, the world fell away in the most spectacular panorama of my town i've ever seen.
to the right, mountains.
to the left, open sea.
the view from below.
i feel like i've uncovered a key feature of my neighborhood, and it only took two years.
Sunday, May 18, 2008
the turbot is ill-smelling
i have several excellent resources i use for translating my students' japanese into english, and this year i asked them to write down one word or phrase they would like to be able to say in english. the results i got were incredibly varied and interesting, some funny, some personal, and in the process of researching the best way to say them in english, i learned a ton.
one of those resources is an online translator widget by Systran. far from perfect, it at least helps me get a rough sense of long sentences, as it usually translates verb tenses correctly. however, occasionally the resulting english sentence is completely random and hilarious, hence the title of this post.
for those who care, my other resources are Jim Breen's invaluable and exhaustive online dictionary, this kanji dictionary for my Nintendo DS, and the internet at large.
now a sample of those things my high school students have a burning desire to say:
definitely entertaining, and i have loads more to translate!
next are a few of the myriad things that have been making me snicker lately.
one of those resources is an online translator widget by Systran. far from perfect, it at least helps me get a rough sense of long sentences, as it usually translates verb tenses correctly. however, occasionally the resulting english sentence is completely random and hilarious, hence the title of this post.
for those who care, my other resources are Jim Breen's invaluable and exhaustive online dictionary, this kanji dictionary for my Nintendo DS, and the internet at large.
now a sample of those things my high school students have a burning desire to say:
| English: old-person smell guts idiot cumulus floccus cloud rhinoceros beetle cat-lover three rolls of belly fat once-in-a-lifetime encounter when i close my eyes i can still see you on the back of my eyelids. | Japanese: karei kusai shoukaki aho hitsuji gumo kabuto mushi aibyouka sandanbara ichigo ichie meo tojireba mabuta no urani wa kimi ga iru. |
definitely entertaining, and i have loads more to translate!
next are a few of the myriad things that have been making me snicker lately.
the worksheet awards:
generally japan is innocent to the history and implications of this statement.
a little too honest?
notice the last topic is food
a t-shirt in tokyo
the R/L distinction is a hard one for many japanese people, which is why this honey is for my yogult.
rain boots: manly condoms for your feet. grab your mandom!
this is my kitchen hand towel. normally placid rilakkuma (who is by definition relaxed) looks quite cross after an unintentional smudge of chocolate gave him a new eyebrow.
man i hate it when that happens! the last thing i need is a bunch of baby hands running around getting all grabby.
i don't know why, but i found this completely hilarious at the time. maybe they'll come in handy when my hand starts breeding again.
and finally, the most recent crack-up catalyst. bone marrow!? for invalids!? gross.
Saturday, April 19, 2008
rear view mirror
ah, 4:25-4:27 pm. the crucial moments when my peaked motivation to work out loses the match against an aggressive desire to curl up with some hot cocoa. the cocoa wins again.
this week marked the first Wednesday of Endless Exhastion. i haven't had a day of four classes since my first year here, and then i was just trying to keep my head from spinning off. now i'm supposed to make a more meaningful contribution, and i'm working under some very suspect leadership. yesterday i realized the head teacher, who was making master copies of my worsheet for the other teachers, had copied it with my post-it notes to him still covering it! way to go. the fact that he didn't realize it was more disturbing.
the day started off good with a quiet but attentive third year class. these precious young adults were freshman during my first year, so it's like we've grown up together. now they're chic and sleek and ready to rock. it was downhill from there.
a few teachers i work with still struggle with the difficult "r" versus "l" decision when spelling english words and end up writing stuff like "crass member" on the seating chart and expect me not to take that as an innuendo. my students' papers were interesting too, as they always are. i got "i have a god named popo" for the dyslexic or possibly heretical prize of the day. one student told me he has a pretty おしり (butt), and since one boy wouldn't fill out sentences about himself, i wrote on his paper, "my behavior is not good," and "i am girl-crazy," which he then had to read to the class for the game. fun times!
after that class, i was so exhausted i practically fell headfirst into my lunch...and i still had half a day to go.
the rest of the week wrapped up quickly, and on friday afternoon i got to join a japanese painting class...as a student! though watercolor is not my strongest medium, it felt amazing to get my hands dirty again. i am now an official member of the class and must answer roll call with, "hai!"
this week marked the first Wednesday of Endless Exhastion. i haven't had a day of four classes since my first year here, and then i was just trying to keep my head from spinning off. now i'm supposed to make a more meaningful contribution, and i'm working under some very suspect leadership. yesterday i realized the head teacher, who was making master copies of my worsheet for the other teachers, had copied it with my post-it notes to him still covering it! way to go. the fact that he didn't realize it was more disturbing.
the day started off good with a quiet but attentive third year class. these precious young adults were freshman during my first year, so it's like we've grown up together. now they're chic and sleek and ready to rock. it was downhill from there.
a few teachers i work with still struggle with the difficult "r" versus "l" decision when spelling english words and end up writing stuff like "crass member" on the seating chart and expect me not to take that as an innuendo. my students' papers were interesting too, as they always are. i got "i have a god named popo" for the dyslexic or possibly heretical prize of the day. one student told me he has a pretty おしり (butt), and since one boy wouldn't fill out sentences about himself, i wrote on his paper, "my behavior is not good," and "i am girl-crazy," which he then had to read to the class for the game. fun times!
after that class, i was so exhausted i practically fell headfirst into my lunch...and i still had half a day to go.
the rest of the week wrapped up quickly, and on friday afternoon i got to join a japanese painting class...as a student! though watercolor is not my strongest medium, it felt amazing to get my hands dirty again. i am now an official member of the class and must answer roll call with, "hai!"
Sunday, April 13, 2008
it's getting drafty in here
well, the internet at school is messed up, meaning i may or may not be able to post this, and there doesn't seem to be any option for adding pictures. not really sure what's going on with the old information superhighway, but i just found out from the surprised look on my partner teacher's face that she wasn't expecting me in our lesson, so i officially have nothing to do for the rest of the day, lucky!
consequently, i have way too many drafts of incomplete entries languishing on the outskirts of my consciousness, so i'm trying to get around to them.
bad news of my week:
☹ i guess i accidentally rented a movie for less than one full day, somehow. that means when i turned it in the next day it was already late. not a good deal. this bothered me immensely because i had a sneaking suspicion that the emphatic clerk was trying to warn me about something, but i couldn't understand him. then i turned in the movie as usual, and hours later received a call from probably the same clerk that my video had been late. the poor guy--the conversation was positively monosyllabic on my end as i tried to wade through the polite language and get to the bottom line. i answered in confused grunts and random english words that floated uselessly in the air like invisible balloons.
the bottom line: he wanted 260 yen for his trouble.
☹ crocs threaten to single-handedly ruin the fashion sense of japan. i have seen hot twenty-something men in full, fabulous, cutting-edge suits wearing ORANGE crocs not once but twice this week. i don't care how comfortable they are, people, they make your feet look blobby and cartoon-sized. ugly! ugly! ugly!
☹ i have a cold sore. i guess the stress of not teaching for four blissful weeks is getting to me.
good news of the week:
☺ i looked up how to say "yesterday i turned in a video late." so when i returned to the rental store, i looked like an old pro with the late fees, and i had a spectacularly simple interaction with a different clerk who collected the fee, and (for once) i didn't look like an ass.
☺ i planted a mini herb garden and some flowers. rosemary for stew, cilantro for mexican food, mint for mojitos. carnations for the smell, and black pennie nemophila because i've never seen such an exquisitely simple black flower. now i just need some basil.
☺ my new friendship with kino, which might have been reduced to enkai-only behavior, seems to be going somewhere. i mean, the guy is like a new breed entirely. i honestly have never met a japanese guy like him. i am floored by how completely unintimidated he is of me. finally some guts! finally someone i can harass. :) on a similar note, me and mr. wisteria have a nice daily dance around the elephant in the staff room. at least the jumping away from me is over, and he seems to be going out of his way to be cordial. just yesterday he kindly told me i should wait inside the office for my fellow teacher and to please take a seat and relax. he's good at being attentive, but i fear i will never see anything more of who he is. shame.
consequently, i have way too many drafts of incomplete entries languishing on the outskirts of my consciousness, so i'm trying to get around to them.
bad news of my week:
☹ i guess i accidentally rented a movie for less than one full day, somehow. that means when i turned it in the next day it was already late. not a good deal. this bothered me immensely because i had a sneaking suspicion that the emphatic clerk was trying to warn me about something, but i couldn't understand him. then i turned in the movie as usual, and hours later received a call from probably the same clerk that my video had been late. the poor guy--the conversation was positively monosyllabic on my end as i tried to wade through the polite language and get to the bottom line. i answered in confused grunts and random english words that floated uselessly in the air like invisible balloons.
the bottom line: he wanted 260 yen for his trouble.
☹ crocs threaten to single-handedly ruin the fashion sense of japan. i have seen hot twenty-something men in full, fabulous, cutting-edge suits wearing ORANGE crocs not once but twice this week. i don't care how comfortable they are, people, they make your feet look blobby and cartoon-sized. ugly! ugly! ugly!
☹ i have a cold sore. i guess the stress of not teaching for four blissful weeks is getting to me.
good news of the week:
☺ i looked up how to say "yesterday i turned in a video late." so when i returned to the rental store, i looked like an old pro with the late fees, and i had a spectacularly simple interaction with a different clerk who collected the fee, and (for once) i didn't look like an ass.
☺ i planted a mini herb garden and some flowers. rosemary for stew, cilantro for mexican food, mint for mojitos. carnations for the smell, and black pennie nemophila because i've never seen such an exquisitely simple black flower. now i just need some basil.
☺ my new friendship with kino, which might have been reduced to enkai-only behavior, seems to be going somewhere. i mean, the guy is like a new breed entirely. i honestly have never met a japanese guy like him. i am floored by how completely unintimidated he is of me. finally some guts! finally someone i can harass. :) on a similar note, me and mr. wisteria have a nice daily dance around the elephant in the staff room. at least the jumping away from me is over, and he seems to be going out of his way to be cordial. just yesterday he kindly told me i should wait inside the office for my fellow teacher and to please take a seat and relax. he's good at being attentive, but i fear i will never see anything more of who he is. shame.
Friday, April 04, 2008
muffin top
thanks to diminishing inseam lengths of jeans and the ineffectiveness of belts on such styles, i realized i have unconsciously divided my pants into sitting pants and standing pants. sitting pants are safe for work and crouching on tatami, standing pants are hot but must be rocked on foot, only on foot. japan is not cool with errant panty bands. side note: the pendulum swings both ways, though, as high-waisted jeans are once again gaining popularity in japan. horrors!
friday was the yearly school barbecue under the cherry blossoms, and i decided i needed to go home and change my jeans unless i wanted to reveal to my new colleagues the plunging curve of my bottom cleavage. not exactly the first impression i wanted to make. since the young teachers i know well are gone to different schools, i was feeling a bit dejected and socially awkward as i tried to find a ride. i felt like such a burden, and i thought several times of just skipping it altogether.
but......last year it was so rad! it's hard to make a barbecue formal, so everyone was really relaxed (read:drunk) and you know, people are much more likely to tell you their secrets under a dark sky. whose secrets could i learn this year? so i bit the bullet and boarded the party bus. i mean, literally, i got on the bus bound for the party. i went straight to the back and met a young newbie named kino. i know many kind and generous japanese folks who would walk a mile to do you a favor, but i would still not describe most of them as warm. kino is warm. his lack of aversion to sitting next to me (and touching me) was truly unique. it was like his third day in town, and he went to great lengths to make me, a perfect stranger, comfortable.
mind...blown.
much to my disgruntlement, i ended up at the same grill as mr. wisteria. i prepared myself to be actively ignored, but, what's this? he's looking right at me! i only had to wait four months for him to get drunk enough to talk to me again. in short, we really have good times when we have times at all. he told me he learned the word "yummy" from sesame street! this guy is like 34 years old, and he remembers learning english from sesame street? did they air sesame street in japan? the mystery of mr. wisteria grows and grows. he even told me his favorite character was big bird! ~_~
i stand corrected, apparently sesame (whoa! i keep typing "sexame") street has been in japan three decades. i found this tidbit particularly amusing, "A few established Sesame Street characters also appear in new segments, most notably Elmo, who in the Japanese series has a propensity to cry and is used heavily to deal with emotional issues." hahaha! no, Tickle Me Elmo here! it's Wet Blanket Elmo for japan.
anyway, i romped around with all my new friends, lit with glee that i finally got to talk to mr. wisteria again. maybe, just maybe, we can manage to talk again without beer or awkwardness. the party adjourned, i got back on the party bus, and we headed back to school. i followed kino to his friend's house where the guys argued over who was the most sukebei (lewd) and hentai (perverted). haha...just like last year. after a consultation with my electronic dictionary, mr. templetail told me that the girl sitting next to me had "big boobs." i couldn't resist; i taught him to say "nice rack!" i know, i'm sorry everyone. i could have taught him to say something respectful, but it was just so damn funny to hear him chirp "nice rack!" over and over again.
friday was the yearly school barbecue under the cherry blossoms, and i decided i needed to go home and change my jeans unless i wanted to reveal to my new colleagues the plunging curve of my bottom cleavage. not exactly the first impression i wanted to make. since the young teachers i know well are gone to different schools, i was feeling a bit dejected and socially awkward as i tried to find a ride. i felt like such a burden, and i thought several times of just skipping it altogether.
but......last year it was so rad! it's hard to make a barbecue formal, so everyone was really relaxed (read:drunk) and you know, people are much more likely to tell you their secrets under a dark sky. whose secrets could i learn this year? so i bit the bullet and boarded the party bus. i mean, literally, i got on the bus bound for the party. i went straight to the back and met a young newbie named kino. i know many kind and generous japanese folks who would walk a mile to do you a favor, but i would still not describe most of them as warm. kino is warm. his lack of aversion to sitting next to me (and touching me) was truly unique. it was like his third day in town, and he went to great lengths to make me, a perfect stranger, comfortable.
mind...blown.
much to my disgruntlement, i ended up at the same grill as mr. wisteria. i prepared myself to be actively ignored, but, what's this? he's looking right at me! i only had to wait four months for him to get drunk enough to talk to me again. in short, we really have good times when we have times at all. he told me he learned the word "yummy" from sesame street! this guy is like 34 years old, and he remembers learning english from sesame street? did they air sesame street in japan? the mystery of mr. wisteria grows and grows. he even told me his favorite character was big bird! ~_~
i stand corrected, apparently sesame (whoa! i keep typing "sexame") street has been in japan three decades. i found this tidbit particularly amusing, "A few established Sesame Street characters also appear in new segments, most notably Elmo, who in the Japanese series has a propensity to cry and is used heavily to deal with emotional issues." hahaha! no, Tickle Me Elmo here! it's Wet Blanket Elmo for japan.
anyway, i romped around with all my new friends, lit with glee that i finally got to talk to mr. wisteria again. maybe, just maybe, we can manage to talk again without beer or awkwardness. the party adjourned, i got back on the party bus, and we headed back to school. i followed kino to his friend's house where the guys argued over who was the most sukebei (lewd) and hentai (perverted). haha...just like last year. after a consultation with my electronic dictionary, mr. templetail told me that the girl sitting next to me had "big boobs." i couldn't resist; i taught him to say "nice rack!" i know, i'm sorry everyone. i could have taught him to say something respectful, but it was just so damn funny to hear him chirp "nice rack!" over and over again.
Thursday, April 03, 2008
the weirdest festival i ever loved
many cultures have fertility festivals, right? right.
i was convinced (internally kicking and screaming) to attend the hōnen matsuri, or "fruitful year" festival, more accurately dubbed the penis festival. what can i say? curiosity got the better of me, but i was expecting lewd and obnoxious behavior from the crowd, so i planned to hang back and pretend like i just happened to be four hours north of my home on a saturday morning.
feeling silly getting off the train, i trudged after the streams of people with angie and kjersten, but i was soon disarmed by the atmosphere. i think everyone, japanese and foreigner alike, were just curious and a bit shy at the prospect of facing the centerpiece of the festival: a ten foot long wooden penis-in-a-shrine (much like pigs-in-a-blanket). naturally i had to take a picture with it. who would believe me?
the side view.
up close and personal.
the tough part behind us, we descended on the food booths with passion. never in my life have i met a potato i didn't love, and never before had i met a potato i loved more than the fried spiral potatoes i found there.
the memorable sculpted, chocolate-covered bananas.
my favorite part of the festival was definitely just sitting in the sun watching sheepish japanese guys suck on their blue penis-shaped suckers.
a grinning old man took polaroids of us with the impressive phallus which printed on mickey mouse paper, naturally. walt disney turns over in his grave.
i was convinced (internally kicking and screaming) to attend the hōnen matsuri, or "fruitful year" festival, more accurately dubbed the penis festival. what can i say? curiosity got the better of me, but i was expecting lewd and obnoxious behavior from the crowd, so i planned to hang back and pretend like i just happened to be four hours north of my home on a saturday morning.
feeling silly getting off the train, i trudged after the streams of people with angie and kjersten, but i was soon disarmed by the atmosphere. i think everyone, japanese and foreigner alike, were just curious and a bit shy at the prospect of facing the centerpiece of the festival: a ten foot long wooden penis-in-a-shrine (much like pigs-in-a-blanket). naturally i had to take a picture with it. who would believe me?
the tough part behind us, we descended on the food booths with passion. never in my life have i met a potato i didn't love, and never before had i met a potato i loved more than the fried spiral potatoes i found there.
the memorable sculpted, chocolate-covered bananas.
my favorite part of the festival was definitely just sitting in the sun watching sheepish japanese guys suck on their blue penis-shaped suckers.
a grinning old man took polaroids of us with the impressive phallus which printed on mickey mouse paper, naturally. walt disney turns over in his grave.
Thursday, March 27, 2008
strange but true, shocking secrets revealed
i used to be funnier.
oh, that's not the secret. i just read back through some of my older posts, and i'm disturbed that lately my writing hasn't been up to my own standards. this is something i've been exploring, and i had an emotional crisis and breakthrough in the space of a week. nothing like tears to water the soil for a new beginning. and perfect timing; it's gorgeous outside!
well anyway. here are a few things i've learned about those sharply-dressed, brisk-walking paradox-makers we call the japanese.
disclaimer: i am uncomfortable, even in jest, making generalizations about an entire people, but suffice it to say that overwhelmingly i've found these things to be true in my particular town. when i say "they," i do not mean to make a huge chasm of otherness, but simply to point out some things that are funny and seem odd from my perspective. without further ado...
-+- they don't refrigerate eggs in the grocery store.
-+- they wear face masks to prevent the inhalation or exhalation of contagions, yet even when they aren't wearing masks, they will cough and sneeze all over [you] without covering their mouths!
-+- they change into special bathroom slippers, presumably to keep bathroom germs confined to the bathroom, yet i swear, they do not wash their hands after using the toilet!
ok, it seemed like there were more, but that's all i can think of for now. you guys can contribute any i forgot about...
speaking of toilets, the one at school recently got a makeover. this is like the answer to a billion unspoken prayers. the bathroom itself is still frigid, but now the one western-style toilet has a heated seat, yeah baby! also, to prevent the constant flushing to mask bathroom noises, each stall now has a coveted sound princess.
the control center for our new butt spa. and you thought toilets were simple! here are two different control panels that do exactly the same things: wash the front, wash the back, dry, flush. believe me, the only button i tried was "flush" but it didn't work! wail! what's the point of a butt spa if the flush button doesn't work and you still have to turn all the way around to push the handle; that's not relaxing!
i'm sure you have a burning desire to know exactly what the sound princess acutally sounds like, so here's a video.
oh, that's not the secret. i just read back through some of my older posts, and i'm disturbed that lately my writing hasn't been up to my own standards. this is something i've been exploring, and i had an emotional crisis and breakthrough in the space of a week. nothing like tears to water the soil for a new beginning. and perfect timing; it's gorgeous outside!
well anyway. here are a few things i've learned about those sharply-dressed, brisk-walking paradox-makers we call the japanese.
disclaimer: i am uncomfortable, even in jest, making generalizations about an entire people, but suffice it to say that overwhelmingly i've found these things to be true in my particular town. when i say "they," i do not mean to make a huge chasm of otherness, but simply to point out some things that are funny and seem odd from my perspective. without further ado...
-+- they don't refrigerate eggs in the grocery store.
-+- they wear face masks to prevent the inhalation or exhalation of contagions, yet even when they aren't wearing masks, they will cough and sneeze all over [you] without covering their mouths!
-+- they change into special bathroom slippers, presumably to keep bathroom germs confined to the bathroom, yet i swear, they do not wash their hands after using the toilet!
ok, it seemed like there were more, but that's all i can think of for now. you guys can contribute any i forgot about...
speaking of toilets, the one at school recently got a makeover. this is like the answer to a billion unspoken prayers. the bathroom itself is still frigid, but now the one western-style toilet has a heated seat, yeah baby! also, to prevent the constant flushing to mask bathroom noises, each stall now has a coveted sound princess.
the control center for our new butt spa. and you thought toilets were simple! here are two different control panels that do exactly the same things: wash the front, wash the back, dry, flush. believe me, the only button i tried was "flush" but it didn't work! wail! what's the point of a butt spa if the flush button doesn't work and you still have to turn all the way around to push the handle; that's not relaxing!
i'm sure you have a burning desire to know exactly what the sound princess acutally sounds like, so here's a video.
spring fever
i found out this morning that springplum has linked to my blog, for which i am always thankful, and i believe it's the first time from a perfect stranger: thank you! now i feel the need to write something new in case someone new actually *gasp* reads this.
day 5 of spring break. i have 7 more hours to sit at school getting numb-butt, and then it's weekend again, YAY! last weekend i took a much-needed trip to the big city. irish sam, as he's called in these parts, had, over deafening bar noise, told me about an edvard munch show in kobe, and we decided to go. since i divorced my paints about two years ago, i haven't spent much time looking at art, and i sorely needed it.
i travelled to kobe alone. i guess i'm growing! six months ago i wouldn't have dreamed of travelling in japan alone. i adore riding trains in japan, but i detest lugging overnight bags around. how is it that no one else ever has luggage on the subway!? ok, it's not true, but somehow they make it look a lot more graceful, like they've packed their satchels with balloons. baggage makes my already persistent feeling of being in the way even more vivid, so when we passed osaka castle park, alight with spring sun--perfect weather to spread out under a tree and read for a bit--i didn't dash for the door but thought too hard about it and then the opportunity was past. i could have gone back, sure, but i also wanted to GET RID of my bags, so i went onward. i guess my spontaneity is a little rusty.
the suited young man sitting next to me smelled like mangoes and medical supplies.
i checked into my favorite hotel chain, the toyoko inn.
i opted against the advertised massage, as i had no desire to have my legs crushed by a giant fist.
i browsed two versions of a brochure: one for men who obviously love blue, and one for women who surely love pink,
i looked out the window,
and then i headed out unfettered to explore kobe and find dinner. having no clue where to go and feeling tired and perfectly happy with a cheap dinner and some hours to myself, i did a tour of family marts (there were four within sight!) for dinner, and then settled into a starbucks. starbucks and i have a turbulent past. for one, i wore the green apron myself, and though i loved the people i worked with, i despised the corporate coffee atmosphere (and product) so i avoid them with a vengeance in the states. however, for all my fellow coffee snobs, i have had some of the most divine foam in all my life from starbucks in japan. they can make a good cappuccino, which is all i ask.
i wandered the streets for a while, feeling more or less perfectly safe. that is, until a foreign guy i had passed on the street followed me to a dark stairwell and chose there to ask me if i knew where to find an internet cafe. i said sorry, no, and kept walking. "oh, so you're not from around here either?" "uh, no." "well, do you have some time to hang out then?" "no." he obviously picked up on my blaring get away from me body language, because his next comment was, "don't be scared!" and then he told me his name was james. well, sorry james, don't stop me in a dark stairwell and i might be more willing to chat. is it betrayal to feel much more suspicious of foreign guys than the general popluation of japanese guys?
the next morning sam and (a different) james found me, and we went to see munch. turns out i don' much care for munch. if only it had been schiele or even klimt...ah well. the most exciting part of the museum for me was the stairs.
james left us in osaka, and sam and i chattered like children about macs and music. it's been a long time since someone has comandeered my ears and shared music with me that i actually liked. we wandered the streets of silent neon and loud crowds with his ipod giving shape to my steps. but i was getting tired; we had several hours to waste before meeting jamie for dinner, and how on earth were we going to find someplace to sit down and have a drink when it was too early for the bars? the answer is always karaoke! it was exactly what i needed: a drink, a padded booth, and a microphone. we sang our guts out for two hours and then filled them with mexican food.
day 5 of spring break. i have 7 more hours to sit at school getting numb-butt, and then it's weekend again, YAY! last weekend i took a much-needed trip to the big city. irish sam, as he's called in these parts, had, over deafening bar noise, told me about an edvard munch show in kobe, and we decided to go. since i divorced my paints about two years ago, i haven't spent much time looking at art, and i sorely needed it.
i travelled to kobe alone. i guess i'm growing! six months ago i wouldn't have dreamed of travelling in japan alone. i adore riding trains in japan, but i detest lugging overnight bags around. how is it that no one else ever has luggage on the subway!? ok, it's not true, but somehow they make it look a lot more graceful, like they've packed their satchels with balloons. baggage makes my already persistent feeling of being in the way even more vivid, so when we passed osaka castle park, alight with spring sun--perfect weather to spread out under a tree and read for a bit--i didn't dash for the door but thought too hard about it and then the opportunity was past. i could have gone back, sure, but i also wanted to GET RID of my bags, so i went onward. i guess my spontaneity is a little rusty.
the suited young man sitting next to me smelled like mangoes and medical supplies.
i checked into my favorite hotel chain, the toyoko inn.
i opted against the advertised massage, as i had no desire to have my legs crushed by a giant fist.
i browsed two versions of a brochure: one for men who obviously love blue, and one for women who surely love pink,
i looked out the window,
and then i headed out unfettered to explore kobe and find dinner. having no clue where to go and feeling tired and perfectly happy with a cheap dinner and some hours to myself, i did a tour of family marts (there were four within sight!) for dinner, and then settled into a starbucks. starbucks and i have a turbulent past. for one, i wore the green apron myself, and though i loved the people i worked with, i despised the corporate coffee atmosphere (and product) so i avoid them with a vengeance in the states. however, for all my fellow coffee snobs, i have had some of the most divine foam in all my life from starbucks in japan. they can make a good cappuccino, which is all i ask.
i wandered the streets for a while, feeling more or less perfectly safe. that is, until a foreign guy i had passed on the street followed me to a dark stairwell and chose there to ask me if i knew where to find an internet cafe. i said sorry, no, and kept walking. "oh, so you're not from around here either?" "uh, no." "well, do you have some time to hang out then?" "no." he obviously picked up on my blaring get away from me body language, because his next comment was, "don't be scared!" and then he told me his name was james. well, sorry james, don't stop me in a dark stairwell and i might be more willing to chat. is it betrayal to feel much more suspicious of foreign guys than the general popluation of japanese guys?
the next morning sam and (a different) james found me, and we went to see munch. turns out i don' much care for munch. if only it had been schiele or even klimt...ah well. the most exciting part of the museum for me was the stairs.
james left us in osaka, and sam and i chattered like children about macs and music. it's been a long time since someone has comandeered my ears and shared music with me that i actually liked. we wandered the streets of silent neon and loud crowds with his ipod giving shape to my steps. but i was getting tired; we had several hours to waste before meeting jamie for dinner, and how on earth were we going to find someplace to sit down and have a drink when it was too early for the bars? the answer is always karaoke! it was exactly what i needed: a drink, a padded booth, and a microphone. we sang our guts out for two hours and then filled them with mexican food.
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
the half-life of humiliation
i had meant to write about this back in december, but as things did not develop as i hoped, i was feeling less than excited to share until, of course, i came up with a catchy title.
every december, most companies and schools throw large year-end parties for their employees. the party is called bonenkai, literally a party to forget the year (and a party to forget the party itself too, as you'll see later). at my school, they're overnight affairs that do not include spouses.
this is the one social event of the entire year where most people let themselves drink too much, and naughty behavior is forgiven. this is one of my favorite nights of the year because many people will spend every other day avoiding me like a cancerous rat, but finally, after enough tiny beers, they will get up the nerve to chat.
we were a little late, so we arrived after the speeches and were able to dig right in. not bad! after many people had refilled my beer glass, and i had reciprocated, we had the challenging Drunk Bingo in Japanese Numbers. then we all circulated and chatted and drank. i ended up at a table with the famous mr. M and another man, i'll call him mr. wisteria. mr. wisteria and i had never talked. i thought he was interesting, but he doesn't hang out with the other young teachers, and i imagined his english was not good. but mr. m skittered off, and suddenly we were talking! his english was much better than i guessed, he was asking me questions, and i was enjoying myself immensely. we made a few jokes, and he mentioned wishing to practice english more. i had many burning questions of my own, but alas, suddenly the party ended, and he was compelled to help out some very inebriated companions. just as he left the room i swear he said, "see you at shinbashi (a restaurant)...i hope..."
well! how nice.
after that, me and the two office girls took a cab to a karaoke bar and i had my first really great time at karaoke. i was extremely sad to have to leave after only an hour, but the onsen at the hotel was going to close, and we all definitely needed a bath. the place was really beautiful too, with outdoor pools, and the air temperature was perfect for soaking.
thinking i was on good ground with mr. wisteria, and wishing to encourage future conversation, i left a little note in his mailbox before i left for christmas just saying i had a good time and would love to talk sometime. apparently this = marriage proposal if i can gather anything from his behavior since then. when i returned from the states, i was thrust through a time warp into middle school when boys who liked you ran screaming, or at best, pulled your hair and snapped your bra.
we locked eyes uncomfortably, and after that, things only got worse. when we met in a doorway, he actually fell all over himself to get out of my way in the style of a frightened rabbit being pummeled with red hot spoons. after such a nice conversation, to cause such hysterical agitation stings a little. it was like he had no recollection at all of our nice talk. i don't care if he's gay or has a girlfriend; i just honestly wanted to talk to someone new. but i forgot men and women are not friends here.
so now it's been over three months, and what i want to know is when will this feeling of bewilderment and awkwardness fade? how long is the half-life of humiliation!?
every december, most companies and schools throw large year-end parties for their employees. the party is called bonenkai, literally a party to forget the year (and a party to forget the party itself too, as you'll see later). at my school, they're overnight affairs that do not include spouses.
this is the one social event of the entire year where most people let themselves drink too much, and naughty behavior is forgiven. this is one of my favorite nights of the year because many people will spend every other day avoiding me like a cancerous rat, but finally, after enough tiny beers, they will get up the nerve to chat.
we were a little late, so we arrived after the speeches and were able to dig right in. not bad! after many people had refilled my beer glass, and i had reciprocated, we had the challenging Drunk Bingo in Japanese Numbers. then we all circulated and chatted and drank. i ended up at a table with the famous mr. M and another man, i'll call him mr. wisteria. mr. wisteria and i had never talked. i thought he was interesting, but he doesn't hang out with the other young teachers, and i imagined his english was not good. but mr. m skittered off, and suddenly we were talking! his english was much better than i guessed, he was asking me questions, and i was enjoying myself immensely. we made a few jokes, and he mentioned wishing to practice english more. i had many burning questions of my own, but alas, suddenly the party ended, and he was compelled to help out some very inebriated companions. just as he left the room i swear he said, "see you at shinbashi (a restaurant)...i hope..."
well! how nice.
after that, me and the two office girls took a cab to a karaoke bar and i had my first really great time at karaoke. i was extremely sad to have to leave after only an hour, but the onsen at the hotel was going to close, and we all definitely needed a bath. the place was really beautiful too, with outdoor pools, and the air temperature was perfect for soaking.
thinking i was on good ground with mr. wisteria, and wishing to encourage future conversation, i left a little note in his mailbox before i left for christmas just saying i had a good time and would love to talk sometime. apparently this = marriage proposal if i can gather anything from his behavior since then. when i returned from the states, i was thrust through a time warp into middle school when boys who liked you ran screaming, or at best, pulled your hair and snapped your bra.
we locked eyes uncomfortably, and after that, things only got worse. when we met in a doorway, he actually fell all over himself to get out of my way in the style of a frightened rabbit being pummeled with red hot spoons. after such a nice conversation, to cause such hysterical agitation stings a little. it was like he had no recollection at all of our nice talk. i don't care if he's gay or has a girlfriend; i just honestly wanted to talk to someone new. but i forgot men and women are not friends here.
so now it's been over three months, and what i want to know is when will this feeling of bewilderment and awkwardness fade? how long is the half-life of humiliation!?
Thursday, March 06, 2008
the quietest day of the year, or: unbreak my heart
the time has come to say goodbye to the third years; graduation was saturday. with all the friendships i've made this year i knew it would be really hard on me, and it was! a large part of the difficulty is knowing i may never see or speak to them again; i'm not very good at never. i had a lot of satisfying goodbyes, though, and one last chance to take pictures.
the ceremony itself was much different than mine in high school; short and sweet. each student's name is called and he or she stands up and bows to the principal. diplomas are not handed to each student, and there is no clapping. supposedly only the mothers make an effort to come. one of my favorite students scandalized the entire auditorium when instead of answering "hai" when his name was called (apparently the only acceptable response other than silence), he answered, "hai~~~chu!" which is a kind of taffy candy. the number of gasps and murmurs that circled through the room made me snicker. it seemed like a pretty harmless kind of rebellion to me. he was forced to submit, though. they repeated his name until he answered satisfactorily. i wanted to clap him on the back and say, "come to america. you'll do well there." of course, maybe that's why japan remains so safe; rebellion is not tolerated unless it falls neatly within the boundaries of acceptable deviations.
just a few of the allstars
me and the girls
me and misa
me and hakuma (of the, er, haichu fiasco)
mizuki and the basketball club
me and takayuki
after four hours of last goodbyes, i crawled home emotionally spent.
seemingly every single day of the year there are students coming and going tirelessly from the school. band practice, sports practice, extra studying, or just hanging out with friends, from dawn on the weekends to hours after dark weekdays, there are always sounds emenating from the school. the day after graduation was so utterly without sound, it was like time caught and held its breath all day. i felt alone in a hollow world, but it was good to have that silence to let my bittersweet mood ebb away naturally. later in the day, feeling lonely and needing some sun, i drove to a park to sit out and read. what i didn't expect was how packed the park would be. melancholy doesn't mix well with happy kids playing ball with their dads.
i settled down on the edge as far out of the way as possible, but i felt as silly and out of place as a sad clown. the sun couldn't dissolve the chilly breeze either, so after thirty minutes i crept away.
happily, i have many dear second years to keep me company next year, and some spunky first years too. one such fellow, after announcing several times that he loves me, filled out his final one-on-one "job interview" sheet with answers that really surprised me (note, he asked me if they were ok, and i said sure). i wondered if he would have the guts to say them to my face when the time came...and he did! i play the interviewer and the student is obviously the interviewee. read on:
notice my next line is, "that's good to hear." at this point we both lost it and started laughing. finally he got up to leave and reached out to shake my hand, but he used his left hand, and i was boggled for a moment (after all, i've gotten used to driving on the left side of the road). i recovered and explained we always shake with right hands, and with one final, "i love you," he slipped back into the classroom.
thank you, sweet boy. it made my day.
the ceremony itself was much different than mine in high school; short and sweet. each student's name is called and he or she stands up and bows to the principal. diplomas are not handed to each student, and there is no clapping. supposedly only the mothers make an effort to come. one of my favorite students scandalized the entire auditorium when instead of answering "hai" when his name was called (apparently the only acceptable response other than silence), he answered, "hai~~~chu!" which is a kind of taffy candy. the number of gasps and murmurs that circled through the room made me snicker. it seemed like a pretty harmless kind of rebellion to me. he was forced to submit, though. they repeated his name until he answered satisfactorily. i wanted to clap him on the back and say, "come to america. you'll do well there." of course, maybe that's why japan remains so safe; rebellion is not tolerated unless it falls neatly within the boundaries of acceptable deviations.
after four hours of last goodbyes, i crawled home emotionally spent.
seemingly every single day of the year there are students coming and going tirelessly from the school. band practice, sports practice, extra studying, or just hanging out with friends, from dawn on the weekends to hours after dark weekdays, there are always sounds emenating from the school. the day after graduation was so utterly without sound, it was like time caught and held its breath all day. i felt alone in a hollow world, but it was good to have that silence to let my bittersweet mood ebb away naturally. later in the day, feeling lonely and needing some sun, i drove to a park to sit out and read. what i didn't expect was how packed the park would be. melancholy doesn't mix well with happy kids playing ball with their dads.
i settled down on the edge as far out of the way as possible, but i felt as silly and out of place as a sad clown. the sun couldn't dissolve the chilly breeze either, so after thirty minutes i crept away.
happily, i have many dear second years to keep me company next year, and some spunky first years too. one such fellow, after announcing several times that he loves me, filled out his final one-on-one "job interview" sheet with answers that really surprised me (note, he asked me if they were ok, and i said sure). i wondered if he would have the guts to say them to my face when the time came...and he did! i play the interviewer and the student is obviously the interviewee. read on:
notice my next line is, "that's good to hear." at this point we both lost it and started laughing. finally he got up to leave and reached out to shake my hand, but he used his left hand, and i was boggled for a moment (after all, i've gotten used to driving on the left side of the road). i recovered and explained we always shake with right hands, and with one final, "i love you," he slipped back into the classroom.
thank you, sweet boy. it made my day.
Wednesday, March 05, 2008
schnozz-a-doodle?
today in my profound boredom i took a quiz to see what kind of dog breed would be ideal for me. on my eventual return to the states, i have a dream of finally committing myself to an animal. a cat is more likely, but i'm sure i'd also enjoy the companionship of the right kind of dog. i know there are some funny names of crossed breeds out there, but as i scanned the list, it got more and more ridiculous:
muggin (muggle dog?), dorkie (that's not very nice), havamalt (coffee blend?), peke-a-tese (that's almost a stripper name), and of course xoloitzcuintle (prescription medecation?).
but wait! there's more: schnocker, english boodle, eskapoo, foodle?? pekepoo, poovanese, pugapoo, schnoodle?? snorkie, torkie, weeranarian, poogle!?
are we sure we're not just making a silly poem about someone's nose?
muggin (muggle dog?), dorkie (that's not very nice), havamalt (coffee blend?), peke-a-tese (that's almost a stripper name), and of course xoloitzcuintle (prescription medecation?).
but wait! there's more: schnocker, english boodle, eskapoo, foodle?? pekepoo, poovanese, pugapoo, schnoodle?? snorkie, torkie, weeranarian, poogle!?
are we sure we're not just making a silly poem about someone's nose?
Thursday, February 21, 2008
the best 40 bucks i ever spent
since last winter, i have lamented[1] the fact that every single window in my house is made of rippled privacy glass, not clear glass. when the windows are closed, it's like being blind. i hate it. in the winter i feel like my mind and heart are held hostage, and it's been slowly paralyzing me.
this year, i decided it was a priority to get the glass changed out, and i've been desperate to do so. i had one teacher working on it, but it'd been weeks and i had heard nothing. (for heaven's sake, i even dreamed about it). finally, after sighing about it to yet another teacher, she actually stepped right up and called a glazier[2] to get some prices, and she didn't ask anybody's permission. the prices were more than fair--about 70-90 dollars, definitely worth it for some sanity. a hopefulness i haven't seen in a long time exploded out of my pores. i chattered excitedly about waking up and having tea in the morning, actually being able to see the day, watching the trains go by, and looking at the rising sun[3]. we seemed set to go: i knew how to get the windows to the glass shop; i knew how much it would cost; i knew how long it would take. tired of high (or even moderate to low) expectations dying with a plummet into frustration and despair[4], i planned to go straight after work. the same helpful teacher made the mistake of mentioning these plans to the office. then the office gutted and dismembered my hope. i was told they had been unable to reach the landlady for permission during the past three weeks and that i shouldn't do anything until she had been contacted. after the (almost exact same) experience last year of trying to get screens for my house and being made to wait five months for something i could have easily bought and installed in less than a week, that news pushed me over the edge. in a move completely unlike the obedient and respectful girl that we know, i went straight home and took out the window, drove to the glass shop, and had that thing changed. it cost forty bucks.
then i was riddled with guilt.
and overwhelmingly pleased.
it was very confusing.
however, i was granted mercy. the next morning, the landlady gave her consent, and no one was the wiser. i had the second window replaced that evening, and now i have a stunning view. that first night i sat in the dark wrapped in a blanket and did what i've ached to do for eighteen months. i watched. i watched the clouds slide over the moon; i watched the headlights crawl like shadows across the school buildings; i watched bright trains shoot sleekly in and out of mountain tunnels. i watched the quiet night.
this year, i decided it was a priority to get the glass changed out, and i've been desperate to do so. i had one teacher working on it, but it'd been weeks and i had heard nothing. (for heaven's sake, i even dreamed about it). finally, after sighing about it to yet another teacher, she actually stepped right up and called a glazier[2] to get some prices, and she didn't ask anybody's permission. the prices were more than fair--about 70-90 dollars, definitely worth it for some sanity. a hopefulness i haven't seen in a long time exploded out of my pores. i chattered excitedly about waking up and having tea in the morning, actually being able to see the day, watching the trains go by, and looking at the rising sun[3]. we seemed set to go: i knew how to get the windows to the glass shop; i knew how much it would cost; i knew how long it would take. tired of high (or even moderate to low) expectations dying with a plummet into frustration and despair[4], i planned to go straight after work. the same helpful teacher made the mistake of mentioning these plans to the office. then the office gutted and dismembered my hope. i was told they had been unable to reach the landlady for permission during the past three weeks and that i shouldn't do anything until she had been contacted. after the (almost exact same) experience last year of trying to get screens for my house and being made to wait five months for something i could have easily bought and installed in less than a week, that news pushed me over the edge. in a move completely unlike the obedient and respectful girl that we know, i went straight home and took out the window, drove to the glass shop, and had that thing changed. it cost forty bucks.
then i was riddled with guilt.
and overwhelmingly pleased.
it was very confusing.
however, i was granted mercy. the next morning, the landlady gave her consent, and no one was the wiser. i had the second window replaced that evening, and now i have a stunning view. that first night i sat in the dark wrapped in a blanket and did what i've ached to do for eighteen months. i watched. i watched the clouds slide over the moon; i watched the headlights crawl like shadows across the school buildings; i watched bright trains shoot sleekly in and out of mountain tunnels. i watched the quiet night.
[1]
wailed about to anyone who has every stayed at, eaten in, or imagined my house.
[2]
never, ever thought i'd use that word.
[3]
not directly of course. that causes blindness.
[4]
known as the japanese tango. the steps are simple; your superior tells you, "i will ask every person's opinion in this school and maybe a few of my relatives in another prefecture, and until it's unanimously decided how we should treat this issue which is none of our business, you will have to sit on your thumbs and wait.
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
carry the zero
after dreaming last night that i had just been sent to jail for four months, i decided i needed a treat this morning. for breakfast i broke out the french bread and boursin cheese. i discovered boursin this year when danielle brought it to my thanksgiving party. after two days of cooking and two strong martinis, all that went through my head when i tasted it was, "MORE!" that may have been the only thing that escaped from my mouth too. it tasted amazing on toasted bread with sliced tomatoes, probably the best breakfast i've had this year. the only drawback is morning garlic breath--yech!
i too have been struggling with the winter blues, but i'm trying to keep my spirits up. the writer's strike in hollywood is over; that's cause for great celebration! i'm not sure i could go on without my weekly transfusion of Bones, Numb3rs, and [Psych, Law and Order Regular, CI, SVU, Chuck]... so i watch a lot of tv. it, uhhh, keeps my english current.
the weather is getting better finally, and the days aren't getting dark until 6pm now. the endless japanese school year is grueling, though. how do they ever feel really rested? i never do. but this morning as i walked through the actually warm sunlit morning, i was reminded that the winter will not last forever, nor will this long lonely season of my life.
i just turned 29, the age my mom was when i was born. weird, because though i've always wanted babies someday, i've never wanted them now until very recently. in reality, babies are still probably a long way off for me, but it's nice to feel more confident of my adult status. it's nice to feel capable of raising children. i don't want to do it alone, though, as my mom did. so i wait.
i too have been struggling with the winter blues, but i'm trying to keep my spirits up. the writer's strike in hollywood is over; that's cause for great celebration! i'm not sure i could go on without my weekly transfusion of Bones, Numb3rs, and [Psych, Law and Order Regular, CI, SVU, Chuck]... so i watch a lot of tv. it, uhhh, keeps my english current.
the weather is getting better finally, and the days aren't getting dark until 6pm now. the endless japanese school year is grueling, though. how do they ever feel really rested? i never do. but this morning as i walked through the actually warm sunlit morning, i was reminded that the winter will not last forever, nor will this long lonely season of my life.
i just turned 29, the age my mom was when i was born. weird, because though i've always wanted babies someday, i've never wanted them now until very recently. in reality, babies are still probably a long way off for me, but it's nice to feel more confident of my adult status. it's nice to feel capable of raising children. i don't want to do it alone, though, as my mom did. so i wait.
Monday, February 18, 2008
不思議の国のローレン, or: my creativity is lost on them sometimes.
this morning i rolled out of bed, put on some pants, and basically went to school in my pajamas. this is a secret pleasure of mine; it's like getting away with something. i imagine it's like having an important business call in your underwear. i am particularly fond of the way my sky blue, long-sleeved shirt smells when i've worn it to bed for a few days, and i got no small pleasure from sniffing it throughout the day. i have to wear so many layers to stay warm anyway that no one can really tell what i'm wearing.
i've been assured by many people that this winter is much colder than last, but this is news to me. i figured it was only possible to adjust to one end of the spectrum, and since i made peace with the heat last summer, i was dreading the cold. could i have adjusted to that too? it seems unlikely, but i haven't spent nearly as much time hovering over the kerosene heaters, nor have i felt the need to ingest my weight in hot tea, which actually works in my favor because it prevents as many trips to the glacial restroom.
lately i've been reading leno's humorous headlines until i'm gagging and wheezing with laughter. this is probably not the best use of my time at work, but it does manage to put me in a very good mood. the teachers around me, unable to understand what's causing my convulsive (and no doubt annoying) laughter just cock their heads curiously in my direction and go back to their work. this is my ammunition against constant interruption, department politics, and the recent dispiriting covering of all the windows. [they're scraping and painting our building for the next two months, so we're stuck in a cage of scaffolding and translucent film.]
after eighteen months of making dialogues with imaginary people doing imaginary things in imaginary places for my english classes to use as speaking practice, i recently had one of my team teachers approach me with a concern. in my most recent dialogue, a job interview, the HR manager of Sony interviews a student for a graphic artist position. she then tells the student to report to work wearing black jeans and red heels (i was feelin' saucy when i made it).
my teacher voiced his concern, "ah, I'm worried that for sony, this isn't realistic. sony would never have a person wear something casual like jeans."
... !
many thoughts raced through my head, but i finally stuttered out, "well yeah, it's imaginary."
i've been assured by many people that this winter is much colder than last, but this is news to me. i figured it was only possible to adjust to one end of the spectrum, and since i made peace with the heat last summer, i was dreading the cold. could i have adjusted to that too? it seems unlikely, but i haven't spent nearly as much time hovering over the kerosene heaters, nor have i felt the need to ingest my weight in hot tea, which actually works in my favor because it prevents as many trips to the glacial restroom.
lately i've been reading leno's humorous headlines until i'm gagging and wheezing with laughter. this is probably not the best use of my time at work, but it does manage to put me in a very good mood. the teachers around me, unable to understand what's causing my convulsive (and no doubt annoying) laughter just cock their heads curiously in my direction and go back to their work. this is my ammunition against constant interruption, department politics, and the recent dispiriting covering of all the windows. [they're scraping and painting our building for the next two months, so we're stuck in a cage of scaffolding and translucent film.]
after eighteen months of making dialogues with imaginary people doing imaginary things in imaginary places for my english classes to use as speaking practice, i recently had one of my team teachers approach me with a concern. in my most recent dialogue, a job interview, the HR manager of Sony interviews a student for a graphic artist position. she then tells the student to report to work wearing black jeans and red heels (i was feelin' saucy when i made it).
my teacher voiced his concern, "ah, I'm worried that for sony, this isn't realistic. sony would never have a person wear something casual like jeans."
... !
many thoughts raced through my head, but i finally stuttered out, "well yeah, it's imaginary."
Thursday, February 14, 2008
pretty maids all in a row
my time hasn't all been spent stewing over my job. actually, i've had buckets of fun lately. just last weekend i attended our monthly knitting party, witnessed an actual snowstorm (my first in japan!), and rocked the city for the first time in one of my lolita dresses.
shut up! look at all that snow! i couldn't believe it.
i headed to fern's house the next day and made it into my girly base of operations. you wouldn't believe the amount of luggage it requires to carry all that fluff! early (ok, it was 11) monday morning i dressed up in fake hair, fake eyelashes, sass, and a three-person entourage and hit nagoya with some badass femininity. daniel, the obliging photographer, enjoyed people's reactions even more than i did. that's the thing about japan. you can get away with wearing anything. plenty of people didn't bat an eye, but i'm one tall dolly and hard to ignore.
at one point i came face-to-face with a japanese lolita who didn't know what to make of me. she stared me right in the eye, puzzled, and i just smiled. we made several trips through the busy station as we searched for a place to stash my stuff, so i enjoyed a lot of attention. we found a guy emptying the only available coin locker, and i flounced up and asked if it was ok that i took it. he looked pleased, flustered. he could barely get out the words, "just a moment." then a last look and a breathless, "goodbye!"
finally we got out on the streets where fashiony guys who hand out ads and usually ignore me as hard as they can were throwing themselves in my path, eagerly smiling. maybe i should take that outfit out more often.
we made our way to the epicenter of lolitas--an entire department store floor devoted to the different brands of lolita haute couture. we checked out the dresses and mandy and fern started to catch the lolita contagion. they each left with a new dress and plans for more outings were excitedly discussed. i am ridiculously pleased.
shut up! look at all that snow! i couldn't believe it.
i headed to fern's house the next day and made it into my girly base of operations. you wouldn't believe the amount of luggage it requires to carry all that fluff! early (ok, it was 11) monday morning i dressed up in fake hair, fake eyelashes, sass, and a three-person entourage and hit nagoya with some badass femininity. daniel, the obliging photographer, enjoyed people's reactions even more than i did. that's the thing about japan. you can get away with wearing anything. plenty of people didn't bat an eye, but i'm one tall dolly and hard to ignore.
at one point i came face-to-face with a japanese lolita who didn't know what to make of me. she stared me right in the eye, puzzled, and i just smiled. we made several trips through the busy station as we searched for a place to stash my stuff, so i enjoyed a lot of attention. we found a guy emptying the only available coin locker, and i flounced up and asked if it was ok that i took it. he looked pleased, flustered. he could barely get out the words, "just a moment." then a last look and a breathless, "goodbye!"
finally we got out on the streets where fashiony guys who hand out ads and usually ignore me as hard as they can were throwing themselves in my path, eagerly smiling. maybe i should take that outfit out more often.
we made our way to the epicenter of lolitas--an entire department store floor devoted to the different brands of lolita haute couture. we checked out the dresses and mandy and fern started to catch the lolita contagion. they each left with a new dress and plans for more outings were excitedly discussed. i am ridiculously pleased.
love sniper
valentine's day traditionally comes at that time of the year when you've really hit the stride in your winter depression--on the fast track now! but i just wanted to share this little gem and send you all some love.
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
can't fight the seether, or: hugging my grudge
i'm sure you are wondering what decision i made about next year, yes?
after hours of laborious pro and con weighing (and having completely opposite "gut" feelings depending on the day and circumstance), and when my head felt constricted to the point of implosion, i finally chose roots over wings and signed over my life for another year. that means i will be a JET for as long starting now as I've been until now. i'm sitting on the halfway mark.
i made this decision in spite of several things that have come to light recently, namely that i may be forced to entertain my special needs students once a week (rather than once per month) without even being asked how i feel about it. i seriously love those students, but each hour-long class requires at least seven hours of planning and preparation. where would i get that kind of time and energy every week!? the teacher doesn't speak much english, and we have very convoluted conversations that tax both of us.
i already teach 15 hours of class per week, three different grade levels and with an average class size of 30 people. i am involved in almost every step of planning for these classes including curriculum development, lesson planning, grading, and testing. unlike many people in JET, my school actually puts me to use. the regular schedule allows me to form friendships with my students and encourage them personally. that's the most rewarding part of my job.
mainly i fear that if i was sent to the other school, the four upperclassman classes i teach would be seen as less important than the six freshman ones and would be sacrificed due to my more limited schedule. that would kill me. freshman classes are brutal, and my upperclassmen keep me laughing. i have a history with them, and i finally get to see the kind of people they are growing into. their english level is higher and we can do more diverse and challenging lessons. i love them!
i was told secretly by another teacher that my new interim supervisor had been asked if it would be a problem to send me to the other school once a week, and without even asking me about it, he said, "no problem." i've never felt more like property. i see he hasn't wasted any time in using his power for evil.
don't worry, though; knowing all this was initially infuriating, but i did eventually come around to looking for the positives. maybe my class load would be reduced, and i could have even more time to plan creative lessons. maybe i wouldn't have to teach with my supervisor at all. who knows? i tend to be decidedly attached to my routines, but it isn't always bad to have them changed. regardless, the next year is absolutely my last in the inaka.
today, as i faced my morning freshman class, i had a renewed sense of how amazing it is that i get to stand up in front of these young people and hear what they have to say. i lose sight of that sometimes, but it's a gift that can't be taken away, even by a supervisor without my best interests at heart.
after hours of laborious pro and con weighing (and having completely opposite "gut" feelings depending on the day and circumstance), and when my head felt constricted to the point of implosion, i finally chose roots over wings and signed over my life for another year. that means i will be a JET for as long starting now as I've been until now. i'm sitting on the halfway mark.
i made this decision in spite of several things that have come to light recently, namely that i may be forced to entertain my special needs students once a week (rather than once per month) without even being asked how i feel about it. i seriously love those students, but each hour-long class requires at least seven hours of planning and preparation. where would i get that kind of time and energy every week!? the teacher doesn't speak much english, and we have very convoluted conversations that tax both of us.
i already teach 15 hours of class per week, three different grade levels and with an average class size of 30 people. i am involved in almost every step of planning for these classes including curriculum development, lesson planning, grading, and testing. unlike many people in JET, my school actually puts me to use. the regular schedule allows me to form friendships with my students and encourage them personally. that's the most rewarding part of my job.
mainly i fear that if i was sent to the other school, the four upperclassman classes i teach would be seen as less important than the six freshman ones and would be sacrificed due to my more limited schedule. that would kill me. freshman classes are brutal, and my upperclassmen keep me laughing. i have a history with them, and i finally get to see the kind of people they are growing into. their english level is higher and we can do more diverse and challenging lessons. i love them!
i was told secretly by another teacher that my new interim supervisor had been asked if it would be a problem to send me to the other school once a week, and without even asking me about it, he said, "no problem." i've never felt more like property. i see he hasn't wasted any time in using his power for evil.
don't worry, though; knowing all this was initially infuriating, but i did eventually come around to looking for the positives. maybe my class load would be reduced, and i could have even more time to plan creative lessons. maybe i wouldn't have to teach with my supervisor at all. who knows? i tend to be decidedly attached to my routines, but it isn't always bad to have them changed. regardless, the next year is absolutely my last in the inaka.
today, as i faced my morning freshman class, i had a renewed sense of how amazing it is that i get to stand up in front of these young people and hear what they have to say. i lose sight of that sometimes, but it's a gift that can't be taken away, even by a supervisor without my best interests at heart.
Tuesday, January 08, 2008
leaving is never free
i'm reinstalled in japan.
however, for the next month i will be immersed in the roiling pot of What Should I Do In The Immediate Future? in other words, should i renew my contract for another year in japan or leave when my current contract ends (July)? everyone in JET is currently steeping on the same subject. you experience highs and lows with new significance: your trash gets rejected because you didn't sort it right and you write off the whole country, "I can't deal with this!" then your neighbor gives you a bag of her fresh garden tomatoes and you have a great night of karaoke with friends and you wonder how you could ever leave.
i won't enumerate all the things i have to sort out for my particular road, but i will tell you that schools' staffs can change significantly from year to year. every april teachers are shipped off to new schools, usually after they've been in their current position for three years. no one knows until then if they will stay or go. then there's a quick exodus and influx, and school begins anew.
as i'm sure you know, the people around you can make or break a job. my very favorite japanese teacher and friend could be ripped from my side in three short months, or she could be mercifully left in my life. i'm like a child waiting to hear if i've been orphaned. i know for certain my friend harue will move and get married at that time. a few months after that, most of my non-japanese friends will also disappear into the Rest of Their Lives. i've been trying to imagine just how lonely i'd be if the worst happened, if i was left almost completely bereft of these friends; the idea haunts me. i really need these people, especially so far from home. i know new people would come and take some of the sting out of the transition, but dear friends are always irreplaceable.
the night before i left to return to japan, mom and i watched neil gaiman's Stardust. for some reason, losing my imagination in that fairytale world for a few hours briefly reminded me of how terrifying it was to begin this adventure. japan once again felt very far away, and i felt very small. but i dutifully got on all those planes, and somewhere in the middle of the three-day travel twilight zone, i felt my courage returning.
regardless of the hell you went through to get there (the bermuda triangle of flights between denver and san francisco, broken baggage carousels, mysteriously absent skywalk operators who leave you stranded inside a tin can with sweaty travelers slavering to get out, four-hour delays due to freak san francisco typhoons, et cetera), arriving in japan is always amazing. even though you feel as though someone stored your body inside a cardboard box for twelve hours, you finally arrive at a spotless, efficient, kind, orderly, safe, colorful, magical island of fun. they turn your suitcases on the baggage carousel with white-gloved hands so you can easily find them, they usher you through the now-required photo and fingerprinting line quickly and with none of the humiliation you would no doubt experience if trying to enter the US, and you are out the door and on the ferry in thirty minutes flat.
as i walked to school today, my first day of class this semester, the refreshing, chilly breeze lifted the hair off my forehead and i looked up to the sourrounding mountains as i often do, and all i felt was grateful. i never would have believed i'd be lucky enough to get an adventure like this...in the midst of a land so unfamiliar, another home.
but leaving is never free, and i miss this mightily.
however, for the next month i will be immersed in the roiling pot of What Should I Do In The Immediate Future? in other words, should i renew my contract for another year in japan or leave when my current contract ends (July)? everyone in JET is currently steeping on the same subject. you experience highs and lows with new significance: your trash gets rejected because you didn't sort it right and you write off the whole country, "I can't deal with this!" then your neighbor gives you a bag of her fresh garden tomatoes and you have a great night of karaoke with friends and you wonder how you could ever leave.
i won't enumerate all the things i have to sort out for my particular road, but i will tell you that schools' staffs can change significantly from year to year. every april teachers are shipped off to new schools, usually after they've been in their current position for three years. no one knows until then if they will stay or go. then there's a quick exodus and influx, and school begins anew.
as i'm sure you know, the people around you can make or break a job. my very favorite japanese teacher and friend could be ripped from my side in three short months, or she could be mercifully left in my life. i'm like a child waiting to hear if i've been orphaned. i know for certain my friend harue will move and get married at that time. a few months after that, most of my non-japanese friends will also disappear into the Rest of Their Lives. i've been trying to imagine just how lonely i'd be if the worst happened, if i was left almost completely bereft of these friends; the idea haunts me. i really need these people, especially so far from home. i know new people would come and take some of the sting out of the transition, but dear friends are always irreplaceable.
the night before i left to return to japan, mom and i watched neil gaiman's Stardust. for some reason, losing my imagination in that fairytale world for a few hours briefly reminded me of how terrifying it was to begin this adventure. japan once again felt very far away, and i felt very small. but i dutifully got on all those planes, and somewhere in the middle of the three-day travel twilight zone, i felt my courage returning.
regardless of the hell you went through to get there (the bermuda triangle of flights between denver and san francisco, broken baggage carousels, mysteriously absent skywalk operators who leave you stranded inside a tin can with sweaty travelers slavering to get out, four-hour delays due to freak san francisco typhoons, et cetera), arriving in japan is always amazing. even though you feel as though someone stored your body inside a cardboard box for twelve hours, you finally arrive at a spotless, efficient, kind, orderly, safe, colorful, magical island of fun. they turn your suitcases on the baggage carousel with white-gloved hands so you can easily find them, they usher you through the now-required photo and fingerprinting line quickly and with none of the humiliation you would no doubt experience if trying to enter the US, and you are out the door and on the ferry in thirty minutes flat.
as i walked to school today, my first day of class this semester, the refreshing, chilly breeze lifted the hair off my forehead and i looked up to the sourrounding mountains as i often do, and all i felt was grateful. i never would have believed i'd be lucky enough to get an adventure like this...in the midst of a land so unfamiliar, another home.
but leaving is never free, and i miss this mightily.
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