last night i had some bizarre dreams, bizarre like i used to have. bizarre like i have something going on in my head again. the first part was some older man in my life trying to marry me off to another older man who i only slightly knew. i started protesting, "but he's much too old!" and the man told me that "it doesn't matter to God." i'm sure it would matter to God that i didn't love him, though! my mom seemed to support this marrying-off thing. i was like, "but i'd much prefer a guy like joe," (an estimable friend from my real past, who ironically i dreamed years ago that i couldn't marry). their answer was, "but you don't know anyone else like joe."
part two we get to the serious stuff. i was over at a friend's house and discovered she had a face that looked just like mine, my "extra" face in a square aluminum pan. she gave it to me to care for. it was just the front half of my head, though i still had my own. it was heavier than i expected, and the back was open and exposed and vulnerable. i suppose that's how you attach it to your head if you need it... the poor thing looked hot and feverish, and i wondered how long it could survive like that. i put it in some cool water and soon it looked much better. it didn't look as feverish, and the lips were just a little chapped. i carried it away with me. i felt protective tenderness for it, but how do you care for just a face?
part three: i still lived in japan, so i wasn't familiar with many people. one of my friends died. her body was wrapped in plastic, and since there was no one else to respectfully treat her remains, i put her in a wheelbarrow and walked a long way through early winter streets to the cemetery, so i could bury her body. when i arrived, i realized i had forgotten a shovel. sigh. but then i ran into my friend sadye, and she had a shovel. i could see there were some bugs inside the plastic on the top of my friend's wool coat, and i was loath to see my friend's body touched by them when we put her in the ground.
that's it. i wasn't as disturbed by these dreams as i could have been. i was more grateful for them, because at least they're imaginative. what is my heart trying to tell me? the strongest thing i felt when i woke up was the need to start loving my face with the rest of me. i've always been happy with my body and displeased with my face. long and skinny with an under bite and too much chin, poor skin when i was younger, swampy eyes. but in my dream i was like, "it's a good face. and what's more, it's my face. who's going to care for if i'm not?"
i know, deeep. but it's true.
i was a little jumpy in my sleep due to a late-night nerds candy fix. sugar before bed, not a good idea. (oh the connotations that statement now reeks with!) i woke up when someone walked by my window about 4am, and then again several more times until my alarm finally went off. urgh. then i fretted over my lack of money and went to school.
when i got to school, i barely had a moment before a young teacher came down to invite me to a yakiniku/onsen party this evening. she began to list the people coming. the second person she mentioned was of the sucrose persuasion, so it was decided, of course i would go!
i recently got some information passed to me from one of the office girls that at the most recent enkai, she overheard an older man known as "kuma-san" (mr. bear) who was observing me talk with mr. sugar comment, "they look like they get along well. maybe they should get married." it happens to be kuma-san who told the teacher to invite me tonight. what's he playing at? it's probably nothing, but it's an unusual time for a party, so i am excited.
last week i was in the middle of composing a deflated post called "now sugar-free." it started, "it seems my last giddy post about mr. sugar was my last giddy post about mr. sugar." he almost visibly, physically ignored me for a month after our happy, comfortable baseball lesson. one day when we came face-to-face and i started to say hello, he gave me a look like he was drowning. i just kept walking. i mean, who does that!? it was just a hello. the next day when we passed, i gave him the stinkeye. maybe it was a subtle stinkeye, but it was still there. that night, i had a good cry and started to feel better. i embraced the idea that i can't force anything and don't want to waste time feeling sorry over some guy who can't pull it together enough to figure out if he likes me.
the very next day, dressed in a slate blue shirt that was dead sexy against his dark skin (sorry, it's a fact), i looked up to find him waving from across the room. what is it with that wave!? it gets me every time. i waited several minutes and then went over and we talked for a bit. it settled me on many levels. i guess it is unlikely we will be anything more than sometimes friends, but i feel better about that since then. it felt less final than the drown-face.
one of the things i told him was that i have decided to take the JLPT, a japanese language test. finally, i have started setting some goals. having this to work toward has made a huge difference in my life. i have also been feeling like it's time to write my book, i finally have something to say again. my voice comes in fits and starts, but like a temperamental fountain pen, it's getting stronger the more i scratch it across the paper.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Wednesday, September 03, 2008
home again home again, jiggety jig
when i boarded the plane to fly home this summer, i was staggered by how close together the seats were back in regular price land. not first class, business, or even "economy plus," the seats were unbelievably crammed. now you have to pay extra just so your legs won't fall asleep! i've made this flight several times by now, and i was certain this was a new low. i even checked the air and light panels above to see if they had just moved the seats back a few notches to fit more people in! when i sat down, my knees actually touched the seat in front of me until i took out the magazines in the seat pocket. it was going to be a long flight.
four hours later i decided, as i stared at the "moving" map of our progress across the ocean while waiting for another movie to start, that this is a special form of torture. it's like being forced to watch the slowest download in the world. ooh, a whole 12% complete! only 640 hours to go!
mt. fuji
but home was still there when i arrived.
i had this fear as a child that i would go on a trip and return a few days later, only to find my family long gone and everything changed because i had really been gone 30 years. i also feared at one point that my mom had been replaced with a very convincing double who would eventually kidnap me and replace me too, but that was because of Get Smart. thank you Nick at Nite.
so i've not been living in the US for two years now. that is apparently how long it takes to completely lose the ability to cope with bad customer service. without fail i leave the nagoya airport feeling peaceful and respected as a customer, and arrive in san francisco to be dismantled by the security personnel screaming in my docile face to "MAKE TWO LINES!!" or something like that. i wonder what it must be like to have never experienced america and have that be your introduction to it! are we really that unruly? after 15 hours of travel, does it really take all of your lung power to get me in a line? i would have done anything for the promise of a face cloth or extra deodorant.
ahh, america! the country where my hair looks good.
four hours later i decided, as i stared at the "moving" map of our progress across the ocean while waiting for another movie to start, that this is a special form of torture. it's like being forced to watch the slowest download in the world. ooh, a whole 12% complete! only 640 hours to go!
mt. fuji
but home was still there when i arrived.
i had this fear as a child that i would go on a trip and return a few days later, only to find my family long gone and everything changed because i had really been gone 30 years. i also feared at one point that my mom had been replaced with a very convincing double who would eventually kidnap me and replace me too, but that was because of Get Smart. thank you Nick at Nite.
so i've not been living in the US for two years now. that is apparently how long it takes to completely lose the ability to cope with bad customer service. without fail i leave the nagoya airport feeling peaceful and respected as a customer, and arrive in san francisco to be dismantled by the security personnel screaming in my docile face to "MAKE TWO LINES!!" or something like that. i wonder what it must be like to have never experienced america and have that be your introduction to it! are we really that unruly? after 15 hours of travel, does it really take all of your lung power to get me in a line? i would have done anything for the promise of a face cloth or extra deodorant.
ahh, america! the country where my hair looks good.
perplexing service people, a favorite pastime...
...second only to trying genghis khan-flavored caramels. i kid you not. actually, the meat and onion caramels were pretty good, like a tiny little willy wonka meal.
ugh. i will try to ignore how gross i feel right now and write this, because there are many little things to talk about, and i haven't really been getting them up lately.
so, in my never ending quest to make grammatically perfect japanese sentences (yeah right), or at least ones that aren't complete gibberish, i was preparing to ask the old man of ye corner office supply store what colors of plastic tape he had. was it nan iro, nani iro, donna iro? i cross-referenced my handy online dictionary to see if the combination of characters meant something other than what i hoped to say. nani is used all the time and means "what," and iro means "color." this was the result:
(nani) 何 【なに; なん】 (int,n) (1) what; (pref) (2) (なん) how many (some counter); (col) euph. for genitals or sex
seriously?
(iro) 色 【いろ】 (n) (1) colour; color; (2) sensuality; lust; (adj-f) (3) various
what!? so i could conceivably be saying "what color?" or "genital sensuality!" you can see the kind of danger that awaits me around every corner.
i often order books on amazon.jp because japan still believes you will pay Cash On Delivery shipments. i order the books i want, and when they deliver them to my school, i pay the delivery guy. just like a pizza! the one thing i always forget is that they call me a few minutes before they deliver to let me know they're coming. usually i miss the call because i'm in class, but last time i heard my phone ring and answered. a mistake? maybe. the guy said some LOONG something about who he was (i guess?), but i heard the word "amazon," so i figured it out. he paused. i said a very tentative (if you had looked up the word tentative, this would've been the example) hai...
it seems like all people ever say on the phone in japan is hai. people have entire conversations made of the word hai! this seemed to be an acceptable answer, so he said something else, even longer!
and paused.
i tried another tenuous, hai..... he continued! what on earth could he possibly be telling me about a single book delivery!? another pause.
this time it was more of a hai? i was losing faith that we would ever reach a conclusion. i was going to be trapped on the phone forever, understanding nothing, blindly agreeing. finally he said something i did understand, so i got to say with conviction, sou desu. "that's true." and then i got to hang up.
my last story of the day is how to be lazy and solve problems with your digital camera. i always have my camera with me, always. i've gotten into the habit of taking pictures of anything i find amusing, to share with you later (see the vibrating worm video below).
i was at the home store to buy a shelf for my shower room. i found the shelf i wanted, but it was cheaper than i remembered. i realized they had replaced the old price tag with a new one, cool, a discount! but i have often found that these "new" prices don't get rung up correctly (and without the ability to really explain, i usually let it slide), so for the hell of it, i took a picture of the shelf with the new price tag. when i got to the front, sure enough, the old price came up. i was like, wait. then i showed the guy the picture. ha! he called someone to check on the price and finished ringing up my other stuff. then we stood there awkwardly, and i could just imagine him thinking, "why on earth--? how did she--?" and i just stood there and quietly smirked. and then i got my discount.
and here is some fun...there has been a massive hatch of these caterpillars all over town, and i discovered they will writhe around or vibrate if you blow on them, and i think it's dead hilarious.
ugh. i will try to ignore how gross i feel right now and write this, because there are many little things to talk about, and i haven't really been getting them up lately.
so, in my never ending quest to make grammatically perfect japanese sentences (yeah right), or at least ones that aren't complete gibberish, i was preparing to ask the old man of ye corner office supply store what colors of plastic tape he had. was it nan iro, nani iro, donna iro? i cross-referenced my handy online dictionary to see if the combination of characters meant something other than what i hoped to say. nani is used all the time and means "what," and iro means "color." this was the result:
(nani) 何 【なに; なん】 (int,n) (1) what; (pref) (2) (なん) how many (some counter); (col) euph. for genitals or sex
seriously?
(iro) 色 【いろ】 (n) (1) colour; color; (2) sensuality; lust; (adj-f) (3) various
what!? so i could conceivably be saying "what color?" or "genital sensuality!" you can see the kind of danger that awaits me around every corner.
i often order books on amazon.jp because japan still believes you will pay Cash On Delivery shipments. i order the books i want, and when they deliver them to my school, i pay the delivery guy. just like a pizza! the one thing i always forget is that they call me a few minutes before they deliver to let me know they're coming. usually i miss the call because i'm in class, but last time i heard my phone ring and answered. a mistake? maybe. the guy said some LOONG something about who he was (i guess?), but i heard the word "amazon," so i figured it out. he paused. i said a very tentative (if you had looked up the word tentative, this would've been the example) hai...
it seems like all people ever say on the phone in japan is hai. people have entire conversations made of the word hai! this seemed to be an acceptable answer, so he said something else, even longer!
and paused.
i tried another tenuous, hai..... he continued! what on earth could he possibly be telling me about a single book delivery!? another pause.
this time it was more of a hai? i was losing faith that we would ever reach a conclusion. i was going to be trapped on the phone forever, understanding nothing, blindly agreeing. finally he said something i did understand, so i got to say with conviction, sou desu. "that's true." and then i got to hang up.
my last story of the day is how to be lazy and solve problems with your digital camera. i always have my camera with me, always. i've gotten into the habit of taking pictures of anything i find amusing, to share with you later (see the vibrating worm video below).
i was at the home store to buy a shelf for my shower room. i found the shelf i wanted, but it was cheaper than i remembered. i realized they had replaced the old price tag with a new one, cool, a discount! but i have often found that these "new" prices don't get rung up correctly (and without the ability to really explain, i usually let it slide), so for the hell of it, i took a picture of the shelf with the new price tag. when i got to the front, sure enough, the old price came up. i was like, wait. then i showed the guy the picture. ha! he called someone to check on the price and finished ringing up my other stuff. then we stood there awkwardly, and i could just imagine him thinking, "why on earth--? how did she--?" and i just stood there and quietly smirked. and then i got my discount.
and here is some fun...there has been a massive hatch of these caterpillars all over town, and i discovered they will writhe around or vibrate if you blow on them, and i think it's dead hilarious.
Sunday, August 31, 2008
break out
we've had a sudden outbreak of grey weather; today was like day ten of unflinching dark skies. i don't mind actual rain, but this was beginning to remind me of those endless, dull tacoma days where rain happens at some point every day, but mostly it just hangs over you like guilt.
i decided to go for a run in the misting morning. i got a sluggish start on the sea wall and passed a few old couples crotcheting along with umbrellas. soon the ipod music entered my bloodstream, though, and i was picking my feet up with a little more enthusiasm.
i haven't really been setting goals for myself the last few years, and that's starting to bother me. i should be doing many things: studying japanese, planning my future, planning my lessons. i thought maybe i should try to run for twenty minutes without stopping. might as well start now. for someone with asthma, that can be easier said than done, but it's much easier at sea level. i had a go at it.
the air was heavy and smelled raw and spicy, like kimchi. hawks hovered overhead. before i really even felt like i had settled into my rhythm, i thought i could spot the foggy, distant end of the sea wall looking...a lot less distant. perhaps i could make it all the way to the end without stopping! pretty amazing, considering i used to run on the sea wall last year and wouldn't even make it to the end. i did make it, and then i walked the entire way back, which took forever. hips aching and soaked with sweat and rain, i passed the old man i had run by at first. he gave me a sunny smile and encouraged me to ganbaru (persevere) as he pantomimed running. i loved that.
inspired by the smell of the air, i ate kimchi with my brunch, and finally the sun made an appearance.
one benefit of the rain is some summer days that masquerade as cool, so my impulse to knit kicked in super early, and i'm half done with a pair of mittens. i also made some winter miso soup tonight (potato and chinese cabbage), and it was delicious.
school starts tomorrow, SIGHHHH, but i also managed to not procrastinate all weekend, so now i have time to watch tv and knit some more. later!
i decided to go for a run in the misting morning. i got a sluggish start on the sea wall and passed a few old couples crotcheting along with umbrellas. soon the ipod music entered my bloodstream, though, and i was picking my feet up with a little more enthusiasm.
i haven't really been setting goals for myself the last few years, and that's starting to bother me. i should be doing many things: studying japanese, planning my future, planning my lessons. i thought maybe i should try to run for twenty minutes without stopping. might as well start now. for someone with asthma, that can be easier said than done, but it's much easier at sea level. i had a go at it.
the air was heavy and smelled raw and spicy, like kimchi. hawks hovered overhead. before i really even felt like i had settled into my rhythm, i thought i could spot the foggy, distant end of the sea wall looking...a lot less distant. perhaps i could make it all the way to the end without stopping! pretty amazing, considering i used to run on the sea wall last year and wouldn't even make it to the end. i did make it, and then i walked the entire way back, which took forever. hips aching and soaked with sweat and rain, i passed the old man i had run by at first. he gave me a sunny smile and encouraged me to ganbaru (persevere) as he pantomimed running. i loved that.
inspired by the smell of the air, i ate kimchi with my brunch, and finally the sun made an appearance.
one benefit of the rain is some summer days that masquerade as cool, so my impulse to knit kicked in super early, and i'm half done with a pair of mittens. i also made some winter miso soup tonight (potato and chinese cabbage), and it was delicious.
school starts tomorrow, SIGHHHH, but i also managed to not procrastinate all weekend, so now i have time to watch tv and knit some more. later!
Friday, August 22, 2008
the hypochondriac is IN
well it seems my challenge this year is to not freak out every time i have a little health problem. last night, for instance, i removed my contact lenses and my left eye was blurry. i blinked many times, but the blur wouldn't move or change. i washed my eye repeatedly; no change. so i got all tense and gaspy and worried about the other eye, viruses, blindness, etc. when i woke up, it was fine.
i wish i could say that this is an anomaly, but ever since i came to japan and feared for my life during a surprise asthma attack my second week here, with no phone, knowing no japanese, and having no transportation...i've been a lot more stressed about my health. it doesn't help to know that the medical care in this area of japan is not exactly competitive or cutting edge.
last weekend the problem was my toenail, which was getting ingrown and infected due to some shoes i will never wear again, ever...maybe (well, they're really cute shoes). anyway, it was a holiday and i was hoping to leave it be, but it was getting red, white and weird-looking, and hey, i don't wanna go septic on the weekend. the office lady was really worried too, and she basically annoyed me into going to see her friend the doctor. he was kindly-gruff and a little too eager with the "you want me to cut it?"
"no! i do not want you to cut it! do i have a choice?"
he sighed and sat back, "well, i'll just give you some antibiotics then," clearly disappointed!
but what i realized when i got home and had already taken the first pill, i'm allergic to a certain antibiotic, and he didn't ask me if i had any medication allergies. oh no! Girl Dies From Common Antibiotic; Office Lady Plagued With Guilt, "I made her go to the doctor!" turn page for story.
but guess what? i lived.
i've just never been on such a hair-trigger for panic.
other things i've had this year: a whole day of a rushing sound in one ear, unexplained dizziness, strange impressions on my skin in the morning (bugs laying eggs in my arm? no, just sleeping on a button), CLEM the friendly fatty tumor, and a TSS scare.
i am just so much fun!
i will leave you with this dinosaur comic:
i wish i could say that this is an anomaly, but ever since i came to japan and feared for my life during a surprise asthma attack my second week here, with no phone, knowing no japanese, and having no transportation...i've been a lot more stressed about my health. it doesn't help to know that the medical care in this area of japan is not exactly competitive or cutting edge.
last weekend the problem was my toenail, which was getting ingrown and infected due to some shoes i will never wear again, ever...maybe (well, they're really cute shoes). anyway, it was a holiday and i was hoping to leave it be, but it was getting red, white and weird-looking, and hey, i don't wanna go septic on the weekend. the office lady was really worried too, and she basically annoyed me into going to see her friend the doctor. he was kindly-gruff and a little too eager with the "you want me to cut it?"
"no! i do not want you to cut it! do i have a choice?"
he sighed and sat back, "well, i'll just give you some antibiotics then," clearly disappointed!
but what i realized when i got home and had already taken the first pill, i'm allergic to a certain antibiotic, and he didn't ask me if i had any medication allergies. oh no! Girl Dies From Common Antibiotic; Office Lady Plagued With Guilt, "I made her go to the doctor!" turn page for story.
but guess what? i lived.
i've just never been on such a hair-trigger for panic.
other things i've had this year: a whole day of a rushing sound in one ear, unexplained dizziness, strange impressions on my skin in the morning (bugs laying eggs in my arm? no, just sleeping on a button), CLEM the friendly fatty tumor, and a TSS scare.
i am just so much fun!
i will leave you with this dinosaur comic:
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
getting schooled
today was my date with the business end of a baseball. i thought it was supposed to be Easy, Happy, Fun Time with the eminent mr. sugar, but he informed me that one of the students would be teaching me how to pitch. hunh!? i didn't understand why he wouldn't take the chance himself, but since i dearly love the student who'd be teaching me, i felt ok...as in, full of anxiety and adrenaline OK. i mean, i didn't really want to face my humiliation in front of a team who practices from dawn to dark on a daily basis.
every year on my birthday, i choose a new theme for the year. this year's theme is More Risks. in other words, i need to stop imagining possible failures and just try things, follow my heart, let go of control. this was a very good exercise of that principle if nothing more. i kept reminding myself that i have zero experience in baseball; i am a baseball baby. i haven't learned to walk or talk, so i can't expect to just be good at it. i have never played more than a game or two of long-forgotten P.E. softball, and i certainly never pitched. the only thing i used to do, which motivated this great baseball education, was to throw the ball as high and straight into the air as i could and then catch it. i wasn't too bad at catching, but one missed ball nearly knocked me senseless on the front lawn. actually throwing to someone is an entirely different thing. a harder thing.
in preparation for this event, i retired to the sports park yesterday for a nerve-busting workout. i had been feeling pretty wound up for several days anyway, so some hard running in an un-airconditioned! gym was just what i needed? is airconditioning for losers?? turn it ON, people. it doesn't cost that much. this is like the hottest place in the world.
anyway, after that i sheepishly shuffled over to an empty field and tried my hand at pitching, based on some internet pointers. i was a giant bag of crap at pitching. it was less throwing the ball than disgusting the ball so much that it was desperate to fly in any direction to get away from me. about 85 percent of the balls went too far left, 5 percent went straight into the ground, and the remaining 10 percent went approximately where i wanted. i won't say i didn't improve. there were one or two pitches that may have been considered good if they hadn't been vastly accidental. that day didn't do much to alleviate my nerves for the next, but at least i managed not to hurt myself too badly. *stretch-stretch*
then it started to pour. in seconds, all the random people who had been milling around the area were under eaves, and i laughed madly from the center of the field. it felt amazing! the rain pelted down and soaked me utterly. i jumped and danced and did handstands and brushed the hair and mascara out of my eyes, and kept throwing. it lightened my heart and eased my body. it reminded me who i am. it reminded me that in a culture where i often feel confused and excluded because i look different and can't speak eloquently, i am still myself. my essence is in tact, and that more than anything gave me courage for today.
so today my name was called by mr. sugar, and we made our way to the field.
nervous? yes. ready?
yes.
he let me choose my glove and ball. i shook my head in embarassment at the five guys sitting around who would be witnessing thegirl getting schooled in baseball. the boy who was supposed to teach me was nowhere in sight. mr. sugar stepped up to the plate, har har har har har. i think he was surprised to find i had never played any sport ever, least of all baseball. i could see NOVICE register in his eyes. he thought i had more experience.
in very respectable english, he explained stance and grip. we tried a few. they were weak. my body just didn't know when to let go. it was a lot to think about, too. at least i didn't have any problems catching the return balls. he told me a few more pointers...my shoulders should rotate at the same time; my hips should follow that same movement; i should look straight at him to aim. they were a little better, but i was getting bogged down in the explanation. then we found the magic formula; he taught me the wind up, and we did it together like mr. miyagi and the karate kid. snap! the next pitches were momentously easier to throw and went farther and straighter. it was a tremendous transformation (in my humble opinion). that's what a good teacher can do. mr. sugar was gentle and patient and encouraging, which is funny since he's known as a hard-ass coach and teacher. i pitched for an hour, determined to keep trying even after i got tired and sore. he traded off with several boys on the team who seemed to enjoy playing with me. they were really sweet too, those dear baseball boys. more and more of the team arrived and greeted me in stunned english when they registered my presence.
when i looked at the time, i was shocked to find i was having so much fun that i had completely missed lunch! i hadn't noticed even once how hungry i was. mr. sugar and i sat down and rested for a bit and talked easily. he said i couldn't throw at all when i started that day (no argument there), and by the end i was a good pitcher. he said i should join their team. haha. i said i'd need to practice batting next if that was the case. it was amazing to be in that space, relaxed in the dirt with the boys all around, a place that has felt secret and closed off from me since i came here. as we walked back across the field, talking, smiling, i couldn't help but stand a little taller as i slipped even more back into the me i used to know, and it fit like a glove. ;)
oh, but getting off a sweaty shirt and sports bra with two weak, sore arms proved to be the surprise challenge of the day.
every year on my birthday, i choose a new theme for the year. this year's theme is More Risks. in other words, i need to stop imagining possible failures and just try things, follow my heart, let go of control. this was a very good exercise of that principle if nothing more. i kept reminding myself that i have zero experience in baseball; i am a baseball baby. i haven't learned to walk or talk, so i can't expect to just be good at it. i have never played more than a game or two of long-forgotten P.E. softball, and i certainly never pitched. the only thing i used to do, which motivated this great baseball education, was to throw the ball as high and straight into the air as i could and then catch it. i wasn't too bad at catching, but one missed ball nearly knocked me senseless on the front lawn. actually throwing to someone is an entirely different thing. a harder thing.
in preparation for this event, i retired to the sports park yesterday for a nerve-busting workout. i had been feeling pretty wound up for several days anyway, so some hard running in an un-airconditioned! gym was just what i needed? is airconditioning for losers?? turn it ON, people. it doesn't cost that much. this is like the hottest place in the world.
anyway, after that i sheepishly shuffled over to an empty field and tried my hand at pitching, based on some internet pointers. i was a giant bag of crap at pitching. it was less throwing the ball than disgusting the ball so much that it was desperate to fly in any direction to get away from me. about 85 percent of the balls went too far left, 5 percent went straight into the ground, and the remaining 10 percent went approximately where i wanted. i won't say i didn't improve. there were one or two pitches that may have been considered good if they hadn't been vastly accidental. that day didn't do much to alleviate my nerves for the next, but at least i managed not to hurt myself too badly. *stretch-stretch*
then it started to pour. in seconds, all the random people who had been milling around the area were under eaves, and i laughed madly from the center of the field. it felt amazing! the rain pelted down and soaked me utterly. i jumped and danced and did handstands and brushed the hair and mascara out of my eyes, and kept throwing. it lightened my heart and eased my body. it reminded me who i am. it reminded me that in a culture where i often feel confused and excluded because i look different and can't speak eloquently, i am still myself. my essence is in tact, and that more than anything gave me courage for today.
so today my name was called by mr. sugar, and we made our way to the field.
nervous? yes. ready?
yes.
he let me choose my glove and ball. i shook my head in embarassment at the five guys sitting around who would be witnessing thegirl getting schooled in baseball. the boy who was supposed to teach me was nowhere in sight. mr. sugar stepped up to the plate, har har har har har. i think he was surprised to find i had never played any sport ever, least of all baseball. i could see NOVICE register in his eyes. he thought i had more experience.
in very respectable english, he explained stance and grip. we tried a few. they were weak. my body just didn't know when to let go. it was a lot to think about, too. at least i didn't have any problems catching the return balls. he told me a few more pointers...my shoulders should rotate at the same time; my hips should follow that same movement; i should look straight at him to aim. they were a little better, but i was getting bogged down in the explanation. then we found the magic formula; he taught me the wind up, and we did it together like mr. miyagi and the karate kid. snap! the next pitches were momentously easier to throw and went farther and straighter. it was a tremendous transformation (in my humble opinion). that's what a good teacher can do. mr. sugar was gentle and patient and encouraging, which is funny since he's known as a hard-ass coach and teacher. i pitched for an hour, determined to keep trying even after i got tired and sore. he traded off with several boys on the team who seemed to enjoy playing with me. they were really sweet too, those dear baseball boys. more and more of the team arrived and greeted me in stunned english when they registered my presence.
when i looked at the time, i was shocked to find i was having so much fun that i had completely missed lunch! i hadn't noticed even once how hungry i was. mr. sugar and i sat down and rested for a bit and talked easily. he said i couldn't throw at all when i started that day (no argument there), and by the end i was a good pitcher. he said i should join their team. haha. i said i'd need to practice batting next if that was the case. it was amazing to be in that space, relaxed in the dirt with the boys all around, a place that has felt secret and closed off from me since i came here. as we walked back across the field, talking, smiling, i couldn't help but stand a little taller as i slipped even more back into the me i used to know, and it fit like a glove. ;)
oh, but getting off a sweaty shirt and sports bra with two weak, sore arms proved to be the surprise challenge of the day.
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
i guess i'll die another day
well, (thank God!) Clem has been groped and prodded by numerous doctors, sonogramed, and it seems he will be with me for the time being. with the liability so many health professionals must feel, it seems they will scarcely say anything definite, but the surgeon who ordered the ultrasound vaguely supposed Clem is a harmless fatty tumor (i know, gross). that was the best of all the options, though, so it will do. the most wonderful people in the whole experience were the sonogram techs and the radiologist (i guess it isn't a crime to be a radiologist and have a personality). they were all puzzled by the elusive, invisible Clem, but they said it didn't look like a hernia (certain surgery averted) and it wasn't a lymph gland (read: not cancer). phew. the radiologist (whose name was Dr. Rohren--curiously close to what i'm called in japan) went to grade school in japan when he was a child! so cool! he was the person who really made me feel reassured.
it was the first sonogram i'd ever had, and it was kind of exciting and oddly relaxing at the same time. the gel they put on my stomach was warm, and it was so weird to watch the hollow oceans and dark echoes of my guts. it really does look like deep underwater, with strands of light.
anyway, thank you so much! it looks as though i really will be able to return to japan on time, for which i am profoundly grateful. now i just have to wait for the medical bills to come flooding in.
it was the first sonogram i'd ever had, and it was kind of exciting and oddly relaxing at the same time. the gel they put on my stomach was warm, and it was so weird to watch the hollow oceans and dark echoes of my guts. it really does look like deep underwater, with strands of light.
anyway, thank you so much! it looks as though i really will be able to return to japan on time, for which i am profoundly grateful. now i just have to wait for the medical bills to come flooding in.
Monday, July 28, 2008
the visitor
well, something is awry in my guts. it's a lump in my abdomen that i've named Clem. Clem has been with me for at least several months, and mostly hasn't given my much trouble. tomorrow i'm hoping to find out more about Clem's nature and what we can do about him.
dear Lord, please kill Clem. without surgery. please let him not be serious trouble. please let me be able to return to japan in two weeks, healthy. i realize you are not bound by my limited imagination for solutions. amen.
if you're the praying type, hit me with your best shot. thanks.
dear Lord, please kill Clem. without surgery. please let him not be serious trouble. please let me be able to return to japan in two weeks, healthy. i realize you are not bound by my limited imagination for solutions. amen.
if you're the praying type, hit me with your best shot. thanks.
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
the longest movie never made
so i promised to tell you the whole story. i'll try not to belabor you with the infinite details, as i have done to the people i've already told aloud (sorry friends, the Great Minutia Catcher has to unload somewhere). some of this story you may already know. if you need to catch up, search for "wisteria" in my blog and read the previous entries.
so this is the story of a boy and thegirl. it's the slowest story ever told. if it were a movie, you would have given up watching hours ago, called your friend to say "never rent that movie Thegirl Meets Mr. Sugar, 'cause i only made it halfway through the first disk, and nothing happened. why does everyone think slow movies are so artistic!?" and your friend would say, "well, i did like Lost In Translation, and it was slow," and you'd reply, "oh, i liked that too, but this is totally different. how on earth did this movie ever get made!?" then you would have drunk some herbal tea and gone to bed. but this is my life, a movie i'm part of, and i have the time to sit around and see what happens.
[after the initial meeting/four months of awkwardness/slow reconnection]
as the year wore on, every enkai gave me a better opportunity to talk with mr. sugar. it seemed like we both welcomed the chance, and slowly i was getting to know him. we could even have a little casual conversation at school, only for a moment, but it felt more comfortable.
finally, about two weeks ago we had another enkai. this time i was determined to find out something real. i wasn't sure what, exactly, but something. i finally made my way over to his table in the confusion of tipsy, boisterous teachers. we started to talk. we were only interrupted when his very drunk friend spied us chatting and pointed suddenly across the table with a friendly, accusatory finger and blurted, "HE'S SINGLE! HE'S NICE GUY!"
i had found my something real. not hiding a wife or girlfriend at home, mr. sugar is single (and i'd like to presume for the moment, heterosexual). ending the night with several vague promises to do things together (or at least in the vicinity of one another), i glowed home. but would the next day prove to be that ice-water wake-up call? enkai promises are often forgotten or ignored embarrassedly in the daylight hours.
within seconds of the 8:30am bell, mr. sugar had placed a brand new baseball in my hand--a promise that i had completely forgotten! he had said he would give me a baseball with our school name on it, and he did. (he's the baseball coach, see?) grabbing the moment of fulfilled promise, i asked if he would be able to teach me some kanji. he agreed.
i was a mess of adrenaline and hard heartbeats waiting for our first kanji lesson. for the next hour, i jumped when anyone came near my desk and felt positively silly for doing so. i finally realized he wasn’t coming, so i relaxed. then i looked up and there he was. “sorry.” he had been too busy with baseball practice. i waited for him to dash off, but he didn’t; he stayed. along with my best friend teacher, we talked and laughed for the next hour and a half! at school! sober! finally, i was too hungry to stay any longer. he asked if i had time to try our lesson early the next week. of course!
our first lesson was exhausting! we were trying so hard, and neither of us really had a clear direction. i kept up as well as i could, but finally i told him to please write the finished character and then teach me how to write it. we started getting the hang of it. after an hour and a half of that, we sat back and just talked. he stayed at my desk until i headed out for lunch. we met again the next day. this time we talked a whole lot more than we studied. i learned about his family and friends, we harassed each other, and at long last i felt like i had met the real mr. sugar.
but...i was set to fly home in two days. a three-week interruption, WHY NOW!? on the morning of my last day, he brought me the sweets i wrote about in my last post. that felt like the most concrete sign that something had truly changed. no longer afraid to speak to me at school, he had sat for hours at my desk that week in full view of everyone. his little food present was the nicest goodbye, and it was completely unexpected. i’m not fooling myself into believing this means anything specific, just that after all this time, he feels some sort of friendship with me. for now that is enough. i hope when i return to japan, what little momentum we gained is not lost. i hope he misses me a little.
so this is the story of a boy and thegirl. it's the slowest story ever told. if it were a movie, you would have given up watching hours ago, called your friend to say "never rent that movie Thegirl Meets Mr. Sugar, 'cause i only made it halfway through the first disk, and nothing happened. why does everyone think slow movies are so artistic!?" and your friend would say, "well, i did like Lost In Translation, and it was slow," and you'd reply, "oh, i liked that too, but this is totally different. how on earth did this movie ever get made!?" then you would have drunk some herbal tea and gone to bed. but this is my life, a movie i'm part of, and i have the time to sit around and see what happens.
[after the initial meeting/four months of awkwardness/slow reconnection]
as the year wore on, every enkai gave me a better opportunity to talk with mr. sugar. it seemed like we both welcomed the chance, and slowly i was getting to know him. we could even have a little casual conversation at school, only for a moment, but it felt more comfortable.
finally, about two weeks ago we had another enkai. this time i was determined to find out something real. i wasn't sure what, exactly, but something. i finally made my way over to his table in the confusion of tipsy, boisterous teachers. we started to talk. we were only interrupted when his very drunk friend spied us chatting and pointed suddenly across the table with a friendly, accusatory finger and blurted, "HE'S SINGLE! HE'S NICE GUY!"
i had found my something real. not hiding a wife or girlfriend at home, mr. sugar is single (and i'd like to presume for the moment, heterosexual). ending the night with several vague promises to do things together (or at least in the vicinity of one another), i glowed home. but would the next day prove to be that ice-water wake-up call? enkai promises are often forgotten or ignored embarrassedly in the daylight hours.
within seconds of the 8:30am bell, mr. sugar had placed a brand new baseball in my hand--a promise that i had completely forgotten! he had said he would give me a baseball with our school name on it, and he did. (he's the baseball coach, see?) grabbing the moment of fulfilled promise, i asked if he would be able to teach me some kanji. he agreed.
i was a mess of adrenaline and hard heartbeats waiting for our first kanji lesson. for the next hour, i jumped when anyone came near my desk and felt positively silly for doing so. i finally realized he wasn’t coming, so i relaxed. then i looked up and there he was. “sorry.” he had been too busy with baseball practice. i waited for him to dash off, but he didn’t; he stayed. along with my best friend teacher, we talked and laughed for the next hour and a half! at school! sober! finally, i was too hungry to stay any longer. he asked if i had time to try our lesson early the next week. of course!
our first lesson was exhausting! we were trying so hard, and neither of us really had a clear direction. i kept up as well as i could, but finally i told him to please write the finished character and then teach me how to write it. we started getting the hang of it. after an hour and a half of that, we sat back and just talked. he stayed at my desk until i headed out for lunch. we met again the next day. this time we talked a whole lot more than we studied. i learned about his family and friends, we harassed each other, and at long last i felt like i had met the real mr. sugar.
but...i was set to fly home in two days. a three-week interruption, WHY NOW!? on the morning of my last day, he brought me the sweets i wrote about in my last post. that felt like the most concrete sign that something had truly changed. no longer afraid to speak to me at school, he had sat for hours at my desk that week in full view of everyone. his little food present was the nicest goodbye, and it was completely unexpected. i’m not fooling myself into believing this means anything specific, just that after all this time, he feels some sort of friendship with me. for now that is enough. i hope when i return to japan, what little momentum we gained is not lost. i hope he misses me a little.
Wednesday, July 09, 2008
victory is mine saith the Lord. and, uh, i'm saying it too.
july: something is blooming near my house that smells like honeycomb, and i sniff the air deeply on my way to and from work every day. i've never been able to discover where the smell originates, as there are only verdant green plants everywhere and no visible flowers other than things i know, like hydrangeas. the cicadas are getting in some practice, and there are still pools of cooler, unhumid air swirling around that make the heat feel ok. they finally turned the air conditioner on at school, too. when the days are not oppressive with pre (or post) rainstorm mugginess, i really love this time of year.
in summer, japan takes on the character most alien to my own experience of nature--(due to my upbringing in the dry mountains and desert)--the character of jungle, that is. vines plummet with new growth off of lights and electrical lines, grabbing for my hair, oranges fatten on the trees, and it becomes more and more difficult to breathe the heavy air. it's like trying to aspirate honey. but it's exciting. i never know what i'll see every day, from a black and white striped beetle (like this morning) to a brilliant white egret in the canal (this afternoon.) and the first mukade of the season, which i've been waiting for and subsequently killed.
but that's just the setting to this story. i look forward to telling it all to you soon, but i'm afraid i must pack now to visit home, so it will have to wait a bit longer. it starts with a girl and a boy and a chirstmas party chat. after seven long months underground (when i thought it must be dead), it has finally began producing some interesting fruit: a baseball!
what was the first word i saw when i unwrapped that baseball (after 'Made In China')?
victory!
this morning, a bright-eyed mr. sugar (formerly known to you as mr. wisteria), rather than nodding to me professionally or not at all, as is typical, came over to my desk, mouthed "good morning" and waved a cute little wave. he then brought me sweets as a present! you may not think this is a big deal. but it is a BIG DEAL. just believe me. i'll explain later.
in summer, japan takes on the character most alien to my own experience of nature--(due to my upbringing in the dry mountains and desert)--the character of jungle, that is. vines plummet with new growth off of lights and electrical lines, grabbing for my hair, oranges fatten on the trees, and it becomes more and more difficult to breathe the heavy air. it's like trying to aspirate honey. but it's exciting. i never know what i'll see every day, from a black and white striped beetle (like this morning) to a brilliant white egret in the canal (this afternoon.) and the first mukade of the season, which i've been waiting for and subsequently killed.
but that's just the setting to this story. i look forward to telling it all to you soon, but i'm afraid i must pack now to visit home, so it will have to wait a bit longer. it starts with a girl and a boy and a chirstmas party chat. after seven long months underground (when i thought it must be dead), it has finally began producing some interesting fruit: a baseball!
what was the first word i saw when i unwrapped that baseball (after 'Made In China')?
victory!
this morning, a bright-eyed mr. sugar (formerly known to you as mr. wisteria), rather than nodding to me professionally or not at all, as is typical, came over to my desk, mouthed "good morning" and waved a cute little wave. he then brought me sweets as a present! you may not think this is a big deal. but it is a BIG DEAL. just believe me. i'll explain later.
Wednesday, July 02, 2008
what's with today today?
today[1] marks the beginning of something not nearly as exciting as Shark Week, but it takes just as long.....it's Termite Week! warm weather and big rains are ideal conditions for colonizing termites who climb through the screens into my house, drop their wings, and wriggle disgustingly over every surface. thankfully the first big rain week this year was interrupted by some sunny days, so many hopefuls were discouraged from their mission. i've learned termites must maintain contact with some source of water. now they're getting almost too big to fit through my screens.
flying termites do not bite, small consolation when you wake up with them crawling on you in bed. in my endless saga of insect infestations, this is just one more chapter i've grown accustomed to. encouragingly there are faaar fewer than last year before the exterminators came, but like last year, of course, they emerged the one weekend i had company coming. since they are able to squeeze through the screens during a time when the heat of summer has truly begun, Termite Week has now also begun to symbolize Air Conditioner Week too, as closing the windows makes it unbearably hot.
flying termites do not bite, small consolation when you wake up with them crawling on you in bed. in my endless saga of insect infestations, this is just one more chapter i've grown accustomed to. encouragingly there are faaar fewer than last year before the exterminators came, but like last year, of course, they emerged the one weekend i had company coming. since they are able to squeeze through the screens during a time when the heat of summer has truly begun, Termite Week has now also begun to symbolize Air Conditioner Week too, as closing the windows makes it unbearably hot.
[1]
ok, it isn't really "today" anymore, it was two weeks ago that i started this, but "two weeks ago" doesn't have the same sense of immediacy. and the termites are still doing their thing, so it's still relevant.
Tuesday, July 01, 2008
speaking of butter
this is one of the reasons i think my mom should come to japan...precut butter slices! my mom loves to freeze food, cut it into slices, or divide it into individual servings. many years ago, i was going to make grape juice popsicle cubes for summer, so i turned a full ice tray over into the sink. as i ran some hot water over the cubes, instead of melting, they began to turn white and solid!! what the...!? she had frozen egg whites into individual servings!
i've seen her slice a Snickers bar into slices and enjoy every one slowly. she never needs very much of a treat because she makes it last insanely long. that's perfect for japan! small treats in abundance!
another reason she should visit is something called annindoufu. i've been in japan two years, and i've only just discovered it. though it doesn't look like much, it's paradise in a plastic cup. imagine the smoothest, not-too-sweet, almond-flavored panna cotta, and you're getting close. a kind of tofu pudding flavored with apricot seed oil, it is my current obsession.
and finally...clothes that fit tiny people! when i was young, i wanted to be as tall as my mom because she seemed taller than most of her women friends. when i outgrew her by three inches, i realized just how tiny she really is! she's also thin with narrow shoulders...the perfect body type to find ample wardrobe choices in japan.
hmm...not to mention the joys of japan's cleanliness stratosphere. like me, my mom could truly appreciate how spotless every hotel room surface is, since she's the one who raised me with such a keen eye and hunger for the immaculate. in fact, the japanese word for beautiful, kireii, also means clean. beauty = clean. mama, this country was made for us!
i've seen her slice a Snickers bar into slices and enjoy every one slowly. she never needs very much of a treat because she makes it last insanely long. that's perfect for japan! small treats in abundance!
another reason she should visit is something called annindoufu. i've been in japan two years, and i've only just discovered it. though it doesn't look like much, it's paradise in a plastic cup. imagine the smoothest, not-too-sweet, almond-flavored panna cotta, and you're getting close. a kind of tofu pudding flavored with apricot seed oil, it is my current obsession.
and finally...clothes that fit tiny people! when i was young, i wanted to be as tall as my mom because she seemed taller than most of her women friends. when i outgrew her by three inches, i realized just how tiny she really is! she's also thin with narrow shoulders...the perfect body type to find ample wardrobe choices in japan.
hmm...not to mention the joys of japan's cleanliness stratosphere. like me, my mom could truly appreciate how spotless every hotel room surface is, since she's the one who raised me with such a keen eye and hunger for the immaculate. in fact, the japanese word for beautiful, kireii, also means clean. beauty = clean. mama, this country was made for us!
naughty dandelion
i just thought this was cute, especially when the little girl gets kind of exasperated...like, "this was fun, but sheesh, so much work!" i feel that way sometimes.
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
occam's razor
i'm having one of those weeks where you hear a phrase or concept for the first time in ages, and then you keep hearing about it from completely different sources. in this case it's occam's razor. i don't have anything to say about occam's razor, but everyone else seems to. and i like the word razor.
today was the kind of day we all need from time to time. an awesome day. thanks to kjersten, i am completely obsessed with a japanese tv show called Hana Yori Dango. it's a very affecting love story about hot, rich, high school guys and a scrappy, lovable "poor" girl named tsukushi. caught up in the "love is in the tv air" mood, i decided last night to dress up for school today.
i twisted my hair up into barrettes when it was wet and slept my way to curly hair, old school. then i fluffed it a bit, put on a dress i've worn to school several times before, and threw on some gaudy fake pearls that came with one of my lolita dresses.
the result: RIOTS. i caused a scene in every room i entered today! i had boys hiding around corners yelling "CUTE!" and showing their thumbs-up while peeking. they're in high school for heaven's sake. i had girls dragging their friends down the halls from other classes to gawk at me, and even the teachers had to pick their jaws off the floor. i must look like craaaap most days if that's all it takes to blow them away. however, the dress was also red, definitely shocking next to the black and navy uniforms. naoko told me i looked like fireworks! one junior boy, takeki (or "lauren's brother" as he asked to be called in class!) made me pinkie swear i would return to japan after visiting home this summer. i loved every minute of it.
it was also like magic juice for my most difficult class (largely full of rugby boys) who were the most docile i've ever seen today. the tides seem to be turning in that class, finally. i like to believe i'm winning them over, but it could be that they're maturing on their own. either way, it's nice to see some of the rude boys actually paying attention and asking me for help. they'll turn into sweethearts yet.
to be honest, i dressed up partially to prove to everyone that i can be cute, but especially to remind one mr. sugar that i have some sass. he looks painfully good every day (i definitely don't remember him dressing up every single day last year), and i'm tired of feeling tired and dull by comparison. take that oh-hot-one-who-always-understands-my-english-but-doesn't-have-the-guts-to-talk-to-me-anywhere-but-at-parties! ha!
today was the kind of day we all need from time to time. an awesome day. thanks to kjersten, i am completely obsessed with a japanese tv show called Hana Yori Dango. it's a very affecting love story about hot, rich, high school guys and a scrappy, lovable "poor" girl named tsukushi. caught up in the "love is in the tv air" mood, i decided last night to dress up for school today.
i twisted my hair up into barrettes when it was wet and slept my way to curly hair, old school. then i fluffed it a bit, put on a dress i've worn to school several times before, and threw on some gaudy fake pearls that came with one of my lolita dresses.
the result: RIOTS. i caused a scene in every room i entered today! i had boys hiding around corners yelling "CUTE!" and showing their thumbs-up while peeking. they're in high school for heaven's sake. i had girls dragging their friends down the halls from other classes to gawk at me, and even the teachers had to pick their jaws off the floor. i must look like craaaap most days if that's all it takes to blow them away. however, the dress was also red, definitely shocking next to the black and navy uniforms. naoko told me i looked like fireworks! one junior boy, takeki (or "lauren's brother" as he asked to be called in class!) made me pinkie swear i would return to japan after visiting home this summer. i loved every minute of it.
it was also like magic juice for my most difficult class (largely full of rugby boys) who were the most docile i've ever seen today. the tides seem to be turning in that class, finally. i like to believe i'm winning them over, but it could be that they're maturing on their own. either way, it's nice to see some of the rude boys actually paying attention and asking me for help. they'll turn into sweethearts yet.
to be honest, i dressed up partially to prove to everyone that i can be cute, but especially to remind one mr. sugar that i have some sass. he looks painfully good every day (i definitely don't remember him dressing up every single day last year), and i'm tired of feeling tired and dull by comparison. take that oh-hot-one-who-always-understands-my-english-but-doesn't-have-the-guts-to-talk-to-me-anywhere-but-at-parties! ha!
Thursday, June 12, 2008
all is not lost
i keep suddenly remembering random pictures and documents forever lodged in the guts of my broken hard drive, and then consciously letting go of them emotionally.
and then miraculously finding them elsewhere!
one of the pictures i was sorry to never be able to revisit was that of my self-portrait just seconds before my very first class.
this is how i felt:
you'll notice i'm wearing a white shirt, in the calm, dead center of a heat hurricane, humidity at like a thousand percent, with my nerves to top it off. i essentially stepped out of the air conditioned office and swam to the fourth floor. as class wore on, i was sweating so much that my shirt became less and less appropriate. my own ill-timed wet t-shirt contest. as sean joked later, "they came for class, but they stayed for the show." that shirt has been hanging in my closet ever since.
and then miraculously finding them elsewhere!
one of the pictures i was sorry to never be able to revisit was that of my self-portrait just seconds before my very first class.
this is how i felt:
you'll notice i'm wearing a white shirt, in the calm, dead center of a heat hurricane, humidity at like a thousand percent, with my nerves to top it off. i essentially stepped out of the air conditioned office and swam to the fourth floor. as class wore on, i was sweating so much that my shirt became less and less appropriate. my own ill-timed wet t-shirt contest. as sean joked later, "they came for class, but they stayed for the show." that shirt has been hanging in my closet ever since.
Monday, June 09, 2008
The Great Butter Famine of '08
that's right. japan is out of butter. butter.
i was wondering what was happening! the last several times i've gone to the store, i wondered why i couldn't find it. i just figured they moved it. but no, they're just out. i don't understand all the circumstances (something to do with russia's willingness to pay more for butter, and a glut of dairy in hokkaido several years ago leading to disposal of the means to make more, aka, cows) but the bottom line is less fun on my baked potatoes and no more scones.
i admit, i was tickled when i first heard--who could imagine such a ridiculous shortage? to most, butter is an important but not vital ingredient. the fact that it probably heralds more dire shortages is disconcerting, though.
apparently a teacher at my school got wind of this problem early and stockpiled a big supply before the stores were out. i wonder if she'll start a basement butter business for those hard-up bakers?
i was wondering what was happening! the last several times i've gone to the store, i wondered why i couldn't find it. i just figured they moved it. but no, they're just out. i don't understand all the circumstances (something to do with russia's willingness to pay more for butter, and a glut of dairy in hokkaido several years ago leading to disposal of the means to make more, aka, cows) but the bottom line is less fun on my baked potatoes and no more scones.
i admit, i was tickled when i first heard--who could imagine such a ridiculous shortage? to most, butter is an important but not vital ingredient. the fact that it probably heralds more dire shortages is disconcerting, though.
apparently a teacher at my school got wind of this problem early and stockpiled a big supply before the stores were out. i wonder if she'll start a basement butter business for those hard-up bakers?
Sunday, June 08, 2008
the new face of horror
friday i was checking the progress of my potted herbs. supposedly mint is an ant-deterrent, so it was strange that they were still crawling all over my seeding cilantro (which is in the same pot as the mint and rosemary), but it didn't seem like a big deal. i put out an ant poison trap to control the problem. however, when i read that ants can clear the way for other pests, i decided to investigate a bit more closely. cue fascinated horror.
you know those scenes in One Hundred Years of Solitude and The Poisonwood Bible where babies are devoured by fire ants? it was like that. when i lifted up the herb pot to see underneath, i found the cement black with live ant bodies. they poured out of the pot's hole in glittering, crawling waves. i wanted to hurl. then i wasted them with an entire can of freeze spray until there was nothing moving.
UGH!
you know those scenes in One Hundred Years of Solitude and The Poisonwood Bible where babies are devoured by fire ants? it was like that. when i lifted up the herb pot to see underneath, i found the cement black with live ant bodies. they poured out of the pot's hole in glittering, crawling waves. i wanted to hurl. then i wasted them with an entire can of freeze spray until there was nothing moving.
UGH!
Thursday, June 05, 2008
five facts about the girl
1. i'm attracted to guys with big heads. this accounts in part for my attraction to many famous men like gerard way, billy corgan, vincent d 'onofrio, and non-famous men like the starer (you know who you are) and x-charlie. perhaps it's an innate need to balance my long skinny head with a broad one.
the smell of engine oil and gasoline on a man's clothes can stop me in my tracks. it's definitely a turn-on. and why share this news with the world? why not? i like knowing specific personal details about other people.
2. i'm left-handed, and i harbor no small amount of lefty pride. being left-handed broadcasts a predisposition for creative ideas and good style without saying anything at all. is that going too far? ;) i always notice when actors on TV use their left hands, including Simpsons characters. consequently, vincent d'onofrio, michael stipe, and my new favorite big-headed rocker, david cook, are left-handed.
not long ago, the left hand was considered evil and deviant in japan and america alike. however, now all the japanese kids know the term "southpaw" for some bizarre reason.
3. i don't like drinking cold drinks out of mugs. the textures are wrong together; somehow the cold beverage makes me uncomfortably aware of the thickness of the lip of the cup in my mouth and any irregularities therein.
4. my favorite songs are, without fail, the ones whose titles i hate most. this is a pickle. being an unabashed word nerd, i have visceral reactions to words and would really prefer to like the songs whose titles i find clever or beguiling. however i usually listen to those songs and find them inane or banal, whereas the songs with lame names rock a lot harder. additionally, no matter how much i love an artist, i can't listen to songs, even ironic songs, that have lyrics i find painfully corny such as Nanny Nanny Boo Boo (shudder) by le tigre and Teenage Love Song by rilo kiley, which prominently features the word "dissed" (convulsion).
5. i still think of colors in terms of their crayola crayon names from my childhood...midnight blue, plum, cornflower, cadet blue, thistle, salmon pink, carnation pink, goldenrod, raw umber, burnt sienna...
the smell of engine oil and gasoline on a man's clothes can stop me in my tracks. it's definitely a turn-on. and why share this news with the world? why not? i like knowing specific personal details about other people.
2. i'm left-handed, and i harbor no small amount of lefty pride. being left-handed broadcasts a predisposition for creative ideas and good style without saying anything at all. is that going too far? ;) i always notice when actors on TV use their left hands, including Simpsons characters. consequently, vincent d'onofrio, michael stipe, and my new favorite big-headed rocker, david cook, are left-handed.
not long ago, the left hand was considered evil and deviant in japan and america alike. however, now all the japanese kids know the term "southpaw" for some bizarre reason.
3. i don't like drinking cold drinks out of mugs. the textures are wrong together; somehow the cold beverage makes me uncomfortably aware of the thickness of the lip of the cup in my mouth and any irregularities therein.
4. my favorite songs are, without fail, the ones whose titles i hate most. this is a pickle. being an unabashed word nerd, i have visceral reactions to words and would really prefer to like the songs whose titles i find clever or beguiling. however i usually listen to those songs and find them inane or banal, whereas the songs with lame names rock a lot harder. additionally, no matter how much i love an artist, i can't listen to songs, even ironic songs, that have lyrics i find painfully corny such as Nanny Nanny Boo Boo (shudder) by le tigre and Teenage Love Song by rilo kiley, which prominently features the word "dissed" (convulsion).
5. i still think of colors in terms of their crayola crayon names from my childhood...midnight blue, plum, cornflower, cadet blue, thistle, salmon pink, carnation pink, goldenrod, raw umber, burnt sienna...
Tuesday, June 03, 2008
they stood up for love
happily i didn't lose this photo The Day The Hard Drive Died because it was saved on my blog, so i will happily post it now. when a subway ad stops me cold...
Sunday, June 01, 2008
i slept like crap for my butterflies
well, i might as well put this in here while it's still fresh and before it's ruined by the disappointment that characterizes these situations usually. last night i went out to dinner, yakiniku to be exact. once kara or i has suggested yakiniku, there's pretty much nothing that can get in our way of having it. when we got inside the restaurant, i saw a very cute teacher who worked at my school last year, but has since been transferred. i thought maybe he was sent very far away, so i was happy to see he was still in town. i waved to him and his group. kara and i sat down and began our meal, and i heard my name several times, which was somewhat curious. it seemed to go beyond, "that was a girl i worked with last year." he also tried looking over at us a few times, but i kept kara in my line of sight so i wouldn't be distracted.
we finished our meal and got up to leave. i went over to their table to say goodbye, and i asked if they were all friends. they said yes, they were on a volleyball team together. everyone was a little flushed from the beer. i asked where he worked now and he said a junior high in the next town. i was like, "well, great, see you later." i got up to leave and put my shoes on, but they called me back over. i paused and he rushed over with his phone. he was like, "can i have your number, is that ok?" i was like, "sure," so i pulled out my phone...thinking we would be sitting there figuring out what numbers and mail addresses to send and how, but he just took my phone from me and typed his number into it and then called his own phone so it would log my number. then he gave my phone back in a whirl, shook my hand, and said something about next time.
even when he was first coming over to me, i didn't think anything of it, but the fact that he seemed so nervous and in a rush to get my number (in front of his friends) gave me a big shot of adrenaline, and i walked out on shaky legs.
be what it may--for all i know he wants english tutoring or another volleyball team member (i am tall)--i was completely thrilled by the moment. it's rare that anyone makes any overtures at ALL, so to feel even for a flash that he had a crush on me was totally worth it.
the adrenaline took way too long to wear off, and i slept like crap.
we finished our meal and got up to leave. i went over to their table to say goodbye, and i asked if they were all friends. they said yes, they were on a volleyball team together. everyone was a little flushed from the beer. i asked where he worked now and he said a junior high in the next town. i was like, "well, great, see you later." i got up to leave and put my shoes on, but they called me back over. i paused and he rushed over with his phone. he was like, "can i have your number, is that ok?" i was like, "sure," so i pulled out my phone...thinking we would be sitting there figuring out what numbers and mail addresses to send and how, but he just took my phone from me and typed his number into it and then called his own phone so it would log my number. then he gave my phone back in a whirl, shook my hand, and said something about next time.
even when he was first coming over to me, i didn't think anything of it, but the fact that he seemed so nervous and in a rush to get my number (in front of his friends) gave me a big shot of adrenaline, and i walked out on shaky legs.
be what it may--for all i know he wants english tutoring or another volleyball team member (i am tall)--i was completely thrilled by the moment. it's rare that anyone makes any overtures at ALL, so to feel even for a flash that he had a crush on me was totally worth it.
the adrenaline took way too long to wear off, and i slept like crap.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
